Saturday, March 21, 2009

Spring Break!

I spent my original spring break years in Florida! I travelled to every part of the state to partake of the spring break ritual while in college and high school, ruining my skin, but enjoying my Coppertown glow. Yikes!

Well, this spring break I returned to my last hometown. I moved about 10 months ago to a large city and left behind a smaller city filled with all my friends and relationships. The need to prove ourselves with a job is a venal trait of the American story. But, proving that I could go off on my own and tackle a big job in a new place was important to me. I needed to validate myself. I've moved around plenty, but always with a spouse in tow. Now that I am free to do my own thing, I'm doing it!

So spring break 2009 was all about renewing my friendships, visiting colleagues, doing some project work that I continue in this city, and generally having a grand time. It really was a bleast. I got to hang with my best friend all week and that was perfect. He is a godsend in my life because he creates a totally safe space for me to be in. When that happens, I am free to be introspective, let feelings and thoughts bubble up, find myself, and have awakenings. I made several breakthroughs on this trip, so I'll share :)

First, I retained my commitment to and feeling free of the need to get snockered. I did have a slip, but more on that later.
Second, I had some time to reflect on how binging on comfort foods and sugary treats is rooted in the same place as drinking. I really got to the heart of the matter and figured out why binging is no longer necessary in my life. I felt very good about that accomplishment!
Third, I came to a good place in my relationship with my best friend, who is my younger guy.

So the abuse of alcohol is a deeply seated response that is kind of like my default setting. Even though I now understand the root of it and have found the reason to not go there, certain things will still trigger that default response. On my last night in town I had happy hour with a very good girlfriend and got a head start on things. An hour later, I am at dinner with friends and we ordered a bottle of one of my favorite wines. Before you know it, I am sailing off to that familiar place, but not as bad as it could have been. Normally, I would have been on to the second bottle. So at least I had that much restraint! LOL

But it was my last night in the city. I was with my best friend and another close friend. I did not want to escape this trois, but it made me uneasy, nonetheless. My best friend and I have come to a platonic place. I won't go into the details, but it is what works best for us. We are wildly attracted to one another, but giving into that attraction only delays the inevitable. We want our superlative friendship more than we want to give into the carnal desire. Well, he does at least. And I have to respect that. But you may see why escape via vino on my last night in town was an easy cop out. Oh well. I am fabulous but not superwoman!

I did manage to revel all week in my latest epiphany about food. I had the same physical burden lifting feeling and same "ah-ha" awakening as with the alcohol puzzle. The week went amazingly well, food wise. Without effort, I eschewed any candy runs to the store, didn't pick up the Doritos at the quick mart, had one desert during the week which was fantastic, and maintained my veggie/seafood -tarianism better than ever! No mac and cheese, no pizza, no cheesy comfort food. I know I have gotten to the heart of it and am already absolutely changing my eating habbits. What a relief!

I have to say that this may be the best spring break week I have ever had! No tan, but so much more to work with. I love my life.

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