Sunday, September 27, 2009

How We Conduct Ourselves

When I was in grade school, one of my classmates won a contest and got a free entry to charm school run by one of the local department stores. Most of the girls I grew up with were a bit rough around the edges. When our friend, Mary, came back from charm school - she had her shirt tucked in her skirt, her shoes shined, a barette in her hair, etc. It was the first time I ever realized that "tomboy" may not be a lifelong winning character strategy. Problem is, I have never to this day been graceful (not full of grace as Elaine famously said on Seinfeld). I'm clumsy and animated. I have difficulty being demure. My hair generally looks a bit scattered except when I leave the salon. At least this is how I see myself.

So maybe that is why I like Courtney Cox's new character. She is a lot of fire and not so much grace. I think it is a metaphor for her stumbling through her 40s as a single gal. Most of the time I feel like I'm stumbling too - metaphorically, because I have no idea how to do a social scene.

I recently hung out with old friends who have known me only as married to my ex. So they ask how he's doing (as if he just couldn't make the visit) and I feel like they all look at me as if I am missing a limb. Where I currently reside, no one associates my ex with me, because I came here as a single. Even in my last city, most people never met my ex because we separated nearly upon arrival in that city. It really threw me for a loop when I realized my friends were still seeing me in that "couple" frame and didn't see me as just me. I'm sure I am hypersensitive to it, but I just felt like an alien. I have told only one of my old college chums about my younger guy, shared pictures, and shared the grim future. She is my thrice married friend, currently single, so I knew she would get it. We stood up for each other at our respective first weddings. So, we've both been there, done that, and seen the light.

I talked to another old friend today who knew the charm school girl. She is one of those wonderful friends who never sits in judgment and is completely open to whatever I am doing (except she thinks I should get the swine flu shot). She always asks about my social life as much as she asks about my younger guy and cheers me on to feel good about myself. That's gold.

So maybe I don't have to fit the charm school mold. Maybe that is an outdated expectation of how we conduct ourselves. I believe it is more important to adhere to honesty, responsibility, and loyalty than whether I can carry a book on my head or shine my shoes :)

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Courtney Cox is my new hero!?

I'm not a big television fan, though readers know I do get sucked into the bachelor/ette stuff, ugh.

I just watched all the previews and clips from the new show, Cougartown! OMG I LMAO!!

The premise is that our heroine, Courtney Cox is a 40+ divorcee who is back in the dating pool. She quickly finds out that many men her age are married, want a younger woman, are gay, or other. Not sure what the other is, but her view of the pool is that it is basically wading size. CC is a really good comedienne (Friends) and great with physical comedy. I look forward to watching the episodes on

The funniest quips from the previews were focused on how her body had changed as she aged - why is skin in new places?, whether she can attract a man and the wonders of an encounter with a new man who is not her old husband - woot!, and how to handle a younger man - double woot!

Since Demi Moore did the modern groundbreaking for this phenomenon, many women have fantasized, sought, and found happiness with a younger man. In the case of Cougertown, CC comes with a teenage son, thereby relieving the tension - what if he wants kids - at least temporarily. Of course, our heroine only has a few years window in which this position is available. When said child has kids of his own, her granny status will not be quite as attractive to the younger man - or will it?

I am a great fan of the younger man option. Can't be helped, it's what I prefer. Always have. So what do the Ashton Kutcher's of the dating world expect when it comes to kids? My younger man was quite clear about wanting kids and a family, hence, putting me out of the long-term picture. Are other women finding more enlightened men? less family-interested men? or is this just the ultimate, selfish, narcissistic position a woman can take? I go back and forth on that one.

Older men who date younger women often start second families - Michael Douglas and Katherine Zeta Jones for example. But what happens when biology is reversed. Women over 45 are generally not giving birth. I know it happens, but it is not easy, nor recommended. For men, they just need the blue pill and making through better chemistry.

Is it fair for older women with younger men to deny them the opportunity to have a biological child? I have given this a lot of thought over time and can't come to any particular conclusion. I can rail against nature and say it isn't fair that once I miss my biological window, I am toast and men can have 2nd and 3rd families if they want (Pablo Picasso comes to mind). But it is what it is. And yes, I know there is adoption and fostering, but some men want their own biological child. I guess that is not the man for me.

What will our heroine do when the time comes for "the talk" with her younger man? Will she be able to ask him - do you want kids? Will he be ready to answer or will he just want more of that cougar, lol? Stay tuned this fall as we see how it unravels. Meanwhile, I would love to see more tales of romance in the REAL world. What do you have for me, dear readers?