Thursday, April 9, 2009

Port in a Storm?

I just talked with a friend who has been preparing to leave her husband. She had planned to get all her "ducks in a row" before dropping the bomb. But as these things usually go, she got into an argument with him, and let it rip. He made some dumb statements because he is defensive. She took up a position that is righteous, but unproductive, and you probably can see where this is going.

I told her that I wished I had gotten better advice before I legally took the plunge only because I thought it would be easy, and the aftermath has been less easy. I didn't have kids or much property and she has both. My spouse and I found a way to split in an amicable way, but it didn't mean we knew what we were doing. I was penny wise and pound foolish and should have gotten a good legal consultation. Would have made things less traumatic.

My friend has discovered that her family finances are not completely in both of their names. Seems that accounts for the kids are only listed with him and there is at least one bank account that is his only. She was surprised when the bank would not give her any info on those accounts. Hello! If you don't know those basic facts, you really need legal representation. It's a minefield she is walking into. I'll be her friend and support her emotionally as best I can. She did that for me and I have done it for her before. It is what friends do.

So she had this funny take on things. She said she expected to be alone in her later life because she just hasn't met men who have it together, can keep up with her, and are worth having around. I hear ya, sister. But her solution is to make a pact with a female friend to be there for each other. She said, "it would be like a lesbian relationship without the sex." I don't know that she has made a very good analogy, but it got me to thinking that as we all get older, we may need some kind of communal lifestyle. Who wants to live isolated in some bee-hive of a condo in Miami, alone. Not me. And I have no interest in living in a secluded "retirement" community. I want to continue being actively engaged in the world. I also don't want to be alone. I like being around people. I may or may not find a man to be in relationship with, so why not form a pact with women friends? I would love to hear about other women's experiences in this type of arrangement.

1 comment:

  1. My friends-- male and female, singles and couples-- always joked that we need to buy a small apartment building for us to all live in when we get into our 80s. We could help take care of each other and "pool our resources" to save on the nursing aids and cleaning and cooking chores. We laughed at first, but now that we're all 50 and 60 -something it sounds better each time someone brings it up!