Target has added this word to their advertising lexicon - Frugalistas - women who want fashion, but at a bargain price. I think that's me!
I occasionally buy clothes at Target, mostly t-shirts and shoes, but accessories are where they shine. I have bought several totes and purses that look much more expensive than they are. But Target is not where Frugalistas go. Oh, no. We, who are true bargain hunters, stalk a different prey in a much cheaper forest...
I have a friend on the west coast who taught me how to thrift store shop. Now, if you haven't gone to the chain thrift stores on the west coast, you haven't shopped. The reason they are so good? Everyone on the west coast recycles, providing some major finds. But brand name merchandise at rock bottom prices comes from the manufacturer or department stores liquidating their inventory. I kid you not, and it was the real deal, a Kate Spade bag for $8 in mint condition. I gave it as a Christmas gift and the recipient was blown away. My friend has a closet full of designer labels all bought for $10 or less. Some of her finds still have the original store tags on them. Yes, that is the definition of a Fashionista.
Well, I don't live on the west coast, so what other options are there? I have trolled in Goodwill, Salvation Army, etc. But those are really hit and miss. Veteran's of America stores rock. They have a mixture of give aways and liquidations. I've done well at these places, especially for men's dress wear.
But I have to say that when you find a good consignment store, your world opens up. I have a favorite place and I rarely share it because it is that good. I got 2 designer label, high end, high quality mens suits for $20 each. No joke. The trick with consignment is time on the shelf. And when they have end of season sales to move the merchandise, there are drastic markdowns. Score!
I like outlet malls (though not all are created equal) as well, but for the thrill of the hunt, there is nothing that beats west coast thrift store chains. As my friend shared with me the other night, she hit the jackpot on Monday - 99cent day! Target, sharget. Go pro!
Friday, October 23, 2009
Sunday, September 27, 2009
How We Conduct Ourselves
When I was in grade school, one of my classmates won a contest and got a free entry to charm school run by one of the local department stores. Most of the girls I grew up with were a bit rough around the edges. When our friend, Mary, came back from charm school - she had her shirt tucked in her skirt, her shoes shined, a barette in her hair, etc. It was the first time I ever realized that "tomboy" may not be a lifelong winning character strategy. Problem is, I have never to this day been graceful (not full of grace as Elaine famously said on Seinfeld). I'm clumsy and animated. I have difficulty being demure. My hair generally looks a bit scattered except when I leave the salon. At least this is how I see myself.
So maybe that is why I like Courtney Cox's new character. She is a lot of fire and not so much grace. I think it is a metaphor for her stumbling through her 40s as a single gal. Most of the time I feel like I'm stumbling too - metaphorically, because I have no idea how to do a social scene.
I recently hung out with old friends who have known me only as married to my ex. So they ask how he's doing (as if he just couldn't make the visit) and I feel like they all look at me as if I am missing a limb. Where I currently reside, no one associates my ex with me, because I came here as a single. Even in my last city, most people never met my ex because we separated nearly upon arrival in that city. It really threw me for a loop when I realized my friends were still seeing me in that "couple" frame and didn't see me as just me. I'm sure I am hypersensitive to it, but I just felt like an alien. I have told only one of my old college chums about my younger guy, shared pictures, and shared the grim future. She is my thrice married friend, currently single, so I knew she would get it. We stood up for each other at our respective first weddings. So, we've both been there, done that, and seen the light.
I talked to another old friend today who knew the charm school girl. She is one of those wonderful friends who never sits in judgment and is completely open to whatever I am doing (except she thinks I should get the swine flu shot). She always asks about my social life as much as she asks about my younger guy and cheers me on to feel good about myself. That's gold.
So maybe I don't have to fit the charm school mold. Maybe that is an outdated expectation of how we conduct ourselves. I believe it is more important to adhere to honesty, responsibility, and loyalty than whether I can carry a book on my head or shine my shoes :)
So maybe that is why I like Courtney Cox's new character. She is a lot of fire and not so much grace. I think it is a metaphor for her stumbling through her 40s as a single gal. Most of the time I feel like I'm stumbling too - metaphorically, because I have no idea how to do a social scene.
I recently hung out with old friends who have known me only as married to my ex. So they ask how he's doing (as if he just couldn't make the visit) and I feel like they all look at me as if I am missing a limb. Where I currently reside, no one associates my ex with me, because I came here as a single. Even in my last city, most people never met my ex because we separated nearly upon arrival in that city. It really threw me for a loop when I realized my friends were still seeing me in that "couple" frame and didn't see me as just me. I'm sure I am hypersensitive to it, but I just felt like an alien. I have told only one of my old college chums about my younger guy, shared pictures, and shared the grim future. She is my thrice married friend, currently single, so I knew she would get it. We stood up for each other at our respective first weddings. So, we've both been there, done that, and seen the light.
I talked to another old friend today who knew the charm school girl. She is one of those wonderful friends who never sits in judgment and is completely open to whatever I am doing (except she thinks I should get the swine flu shot). She always asks about my social life as much as she asks about my younger guy and cheers me on to feel good about myself. That's gold.
So maybe I don't have to fit the charm school mold. Maybe that is an outdated expectation of how we conduct ourselves. I believe it is more important to adhere to honesty, responsibility, and loyalty than whether I can carry a book on my head or shine my shoes :)
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Courtney Cox is my new hero!?
I'm not a big television fan, though readers know I do get sucked into the bachelor/ette stuff, ugh.
I just watched all the previews and clips from the new show, Cougartown! OMG I LMAO!!
The premise is that our heroine, Courtney Cox is a 40+ divorcee who is back in the dating pool. She quickly finds out that many men her age are married, want a younger woman, are gay, or other. Not sure what the other is, but her view of the pool is that it is basically wading size. CC is a really good comedienne (Friends) and great with physical comedy. I look forward to watching the episodes on abc.com.
The funniest quips from the previews were focused on how her body had changed as she aged - why is skin in new places?, whether she can attract a man and the wonders of an encounter with a new man who is not her old husband - woot!, and how to handle a younger man - double woot!
Since Demi Moore did the modern groundbreaking for this phenomenon, many women have fantasized, sought, and found happiness with a younger man. In the case of Cougertown, CC comes with a teenage son, thereby relieving the tension - what if he wants kids - at least temporarily. Of course, our heroine only has a few years window in which this position is available. When said child has kids of his own, her granny status will not be quite as attractive to the younger man - or will it?
I am a great fan of the younger man option. Can't be helped, it's what I prefer. Always have. So what do the Ashton Kutcher's of the dating world expect when it comes to kids? My younger man was quite clear about wanting kids and a family, hence, putting me out of the long-term picture. Are other women finding more enlightened men? less family-interested men? or is this just the ultimate, selfish, narcissistic position a woman can take? I go back and forth on that one.
Older men who date younger women often start second families - Michael Douglas and Katherine Zeta Jones for example. But what happens when biology is reversed. Women over 45 are generally not giving birth. I know it happens, but it is not easy, nor recommended. For men, they just need the blue pill and ta-da...baby making through better chemistry.
Is it fair for older women with younger men to deny them the opportunity to have a biological child? I have given this a lot of thought over time and can't come to any particular conclusion. I can rail against nature and say it isn't fair that once I miss my biological window, I am toast and men can have 2nd and 3rd families if they want (Pablo Picasso comes to mind). But it is what it is. And yes, I know there is adoption and fostering, but some men want their own biological child. I guess that is not the man for me.
What will our heroine do when the time comes for "the talk" with her younger man? Will she be able to ask him - do you want kids? Will he be ready to answer or will he just want more of that cougar, lol? Stay tuned this fall as we see how it unravels. Meanwhile, I would love to see more tales of romance in the REAL world. What do you have for me, dear readers?
I just watched all the previews and clips from the new show, Cougartown! OMG I LMAO!!
The premise is that our heroine, Courtney Cox is a 40+ divorcee who is back in the dating pool. She quickly finds out that many men her age are married, want a younger woman, are gay, or other. Not sure what the other is, but her view of the pool is that it is basically wading size. CC is a really good comedienne (Friends) and great with physical comedy. I look forward to watching the episodes on abc.com.
The funniest quips from the previews were focused on how her body had changed as she aged - why is skin in new places?, whether she can attract a man and the wonders of an encounter with a new man who is not her old husband - woot!, and how to handle a younger man - double woot!
Since Demi Moore did the modern groundbreaking for this phenomenon, many women have fantasized, sought, and found happiness with a younger man. In the case of Cougertown, CC comes with a teenage son, thereby relieving the tension - what if he wants kids - at least temporarily. Of course, our heroine only has a few years window in which this position is available. When said child has kids of his own, her granny status will not be quite as attractive to the younger man - or will it?
I am a great fan of the younger man option. Can't be helped, it's what I prefer. Always have. So what do the Ashton Kutcher's of the dating world expect when it comes to kids? My younger man was quite clear about wanting kids and a family, hence, putting me out of the long-term picture. Are other women finding more enlightened men? less family-interested men? or is this just the ultimate, selfish, narcissistic position a woman can take? I go back and forth on that one.
Older men who date younger women often start second families - Michael Douglas and Katherine Zeta Jones for example. But what happens when biology is reversed. Women over 45 are generally not giving birth. I know it happens, but it is not easy, nor recommended. For men, they just need the blue pill and ta-da...baby making through better chemistry.
Is it fair for older women with younger men to deny them the opportunity to have a biological child? I have given this a lot of thought over time and can't come to any particular conclusion. I can rail against nature and say it isn't fair that once I miss my biological window, I am toast and men can have 2nd and 3rd families if they want (Pablo Picasso comes to mind). But it is what it is. And yes, I know there is adoption and fostering, but some men want their own biological child. I guess that is not the man for me.
What will our heroine do when the time comes for "the talk" with her younger man? Will she be able to ask him - do you want kids? Will he be ready to answer or will he just want more of that cougar, lol? Stay tuned this fall as we see how it unravels. Meanwhile, I would love to see more tales of romance in the REAL world. What do you have for me, dear readers?
Sunday, August 16, 2009
What life is mine?
I have been a busy bee this summer and have neglected this blog. I never set out to be a blogger on a daily or weekly basis. I blog when the mood strikes me, when I have something that interests me enough to write about, and don't want to just fill the space with the same stuff over and over. I did see Julie and Julia (the movie) and do not want to be that type of blogger! Though, I guess if I did, I would get a movie or book deal. Hell, Erma Bombeck did it back in my mom's day!
But let me get an update out of the way.
I have become a devoted follower of Burts Bees natural products. Radiance Exfoliating Body Wash (no bad chems, so no suds), Orange Essence facial cleanser (smells so yummy), Milk & Honey body lotion (which I think I will use more in the winter), Honey and Bilberry foot creme - which is the best thing I have EVER found for my heels which get so cracked and yucky in the summer. This stuff is amazing. And the bonus is that you can rub any excess into your finger cuticles (mine dry and crack horribly) and now they are marvelous!!! And the grand finale --- Ageless Line Diminishing day lotion with Pomegranate and Para Cress. You know those big "bad boy" wrinkles in your forehead - that won't go away? They will now. Amazing stuff!!!
Just wanted you to know that I have found a product line that is wonderful!
Ok, so tonight I am a bit introspective and not sure I can be funny or entertaining. But a blog is for the writer and I need some reflection.
My real self is on Facebook and I enjoy keeping up with lots of friends, family, colleagues, around the country. I find it useful for engaging in causes, reading interesting news articles that other people post, keeping up with the latest trends, and so on. But tonight I really got hit square in the jaw by all the summer fanfare that people are engaged in. One friend went clamming with her family in the Northeast. Another, posted summer pictures from Florida. Others, showed pictures of boating and lakes, family outings and reunions, kids being summer kids, and so on.
I have no such posts. I have had no such experiences. I have had some fun times this summer - a road trip, a quick weekend with my sibling and nieces, a few days with an dear friend in a city where I grew up, a fundraiser for an organization that I planned and came off very well, and assorted other bits and pieces of time with various friends and, of course, time spent with my best friend. It works for me, but it is so very nontraditional. I feel like others are living a Kodak life and I am living a version of modern art - you see it, but you don't really get it.
I like my life (save for being separated by distance from my closest friends) and the non-traditional family I have created. I have my best friend who is what passes for my significant other. Even though we don't live in the same city any more, I see him frequently and talk to him every day on the phone or via a computer medium. I have my close girlfriends who are my siblings. I keep up with their comings and goings, boyfriends and girlfriends, financial predicaments, etc. I have crazy aunts and uncles in my extended family who are the friends and family of my "sibilings" This is how I know I am glad I don't have a real family. One real sibiling is enough, thank you. I have my children who are the kids I mentor, big sister, volunteer my time with, take to events, and enjoy watching grow up.
I have some very nontraditional friends on FB - I don't really hang out with the Donna Reed crowd. But kids and family - the kind that are with you every day - is missing from my life at the moment. And I guess all the pictures and tales of summer stuff just kind of crept up on me today. I am grateful I no longer live with my ex-husband. And I just am not into the dating scene (a whole other story). Which leaves me with me. I wish I were more entertaining and fun to be with, so I could amuse - well, me! Let's face it, I get bored! I long for a dinner party, a movie night, shakespear in the park, a museum - with people I know. It's why I keep one foot in my old city, while I try on shoes on the other foot in this new city. Moving is easy. Living there is a lot tougher.
But let me get an update out of the way.
I have become a devoted follower of Burts Bees natural products. Radiance Exfoliating Body Wash (no bad chems, so no suds), Orange Essence facial cleanser (smells so yummy), Milk & Honey body lotion (which I think I will use more in the winter), Honey and Bilberry foot creme - which is the best thing I have EVER found for my heels which get so cracked and yucky in the summer. This stuff is amazing. And the bonus is that you can rub any excess into your finger cuticles (mine dry and crack horribly) and now they are marvelous!!! And the grand finale --- Ageless Line Diminishing day lotion with Pomegranate and Para Cress. You know those big "bad boy" wrinkles in your forehead - that won't go away? They will now. Amazing stuff!!!
Just wanted you to know that I have found a product line that is wonderful!
Ok, so tonight I am a bit introspective and not sure I can be funny or entertaining. But a blog is for the writer and I need some reflection.
My real self is on Facebook and I enjoy keeping up with lots of friends, family, colleagues, around the country. I find it useful for engaging in causes, reading interesting news articles that other people post, keeping up with the latest trends, and so on. But tonight I really got hit square in the jaw by all the summer fanfare that people are engaged in. One friend went clamming with her family in the Northeast. Another, posted summer pictures from Florida. Others, showed pictures of boating and lakes, family outings and reunions, kids being summer kids, and so on.
I have no such posts. I have had no such experiences. I have had some fun times this summer - a road trip, a quick weekend with my sibling and nieces, a few days with an dear friend in a city where I grew up, a fundraiser for an organization that I planned and came off very well, and assorted other bits and pieces of time with various friends and, of course, time spent with my best friend. It works for me, but it is so very nontraditional. I feel like others are living a Kodak life and I am living a version of modern art - you see it, but you don't really get it.
I like my life (save for being separated by distance from my closest friends) and the non-traditional family I have created. I have my best friend who is what passes for my significant other. Even though we don't live in the same city any more, I see him frequently and talk to him every day on the phone or via a computer medium. I have my close girlfriends who are my siblings. I keep up with their comings and goings, boyfriends and girlfriends, financial predicaments, etc. I have crazy aunts and uncles in my extended family who are the friends and family of my "sibilings" This is how I know I am glad I don't have a real family. One real sibiling is enough, thank you. I have my children who are the kids I mentor, big sister, volunteer my time with, take to events, and enjoy watching grow up.
I have some very nontraditional friends on FB - I don't really hang out with the Donna Reed crowd. But kids and family - the kind that are with you every day - is missing from my life at the moment. And I guess all the pictures and tales of summer stuff just kind of crept up on me today. I am grateful I no longer live with my ex-husband. And I just am not into the dating scene (a whole other story). Which leaves me with me. I wish I were more entertaining and fun to be with, so I could amuse - well, me! Let's face it, I get bored! I long for a dinner party, a movie night, shakespear in the park, a museum - with people I know. It's why I keep one foot in my old city, while I try on shoes on the other foot in this new city. Moving is easy. Living there is a lot tougher.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Dance, Dance, Dance
Hopefully you have seen this video!!!!
It is infectuous and FUN :)
How fabulous is it that these two could have the wedding the way they wanted it! It says so much about who they are, their confidence in themselves and each other, and their dare to be a different spirit!
Weddings are often such staid affairs. Sometimes bordering on somber as everyone slowly walks down the aisle seriously with chamber music playing. Hello???
Bad enough that everyone is in formal wear (which makes no sense since no one actually wears those clothes anymore), but the hyperbole of the ceremony with lighting a candle, filling a tube with colored sand, throwing rose petals, birdseed, and rice...where does this come from? I know, people still jump over brooms too.
I guess the ceremony is just lost on me anymore. I love weddings and the joyous, ebulent aura of them. I just don't like the staginess of it. Rather like a play. I know that's how I felt in my own wedding - like I was on a stage giving a performance (and not a very good one). Should have just hightailed it out of there.
I love the idea of dancing down the aisle!! Love is grand and requires a grand gesture. For this couple, they executed it perfectly and it seemed genuine. I hope it was. I wonder if they boogied out of the church la,la,la,la,la, :)
I can't stop watching this video (I love the song anyway), and hope I find someone with whom I can boogie to the justice of the peace/city hall/ or wherever we end up!
Sunday, July 5, 2009
(S-E-X)
I want to rumminate on one of my favorite things in life - SEX. Oh, to revel between the sheets and enjoy the pleasure that my body can produce for me. We are miraculous beings, but sometimes work against ourselves. I have 2 friends that are currently doing without, another who has a line formed at her door, and me - who is currently without partner - for whom sex is a significant topic in our lives. I'm sure sex is important to other friends too. We just don't talk about it.
As Diane Keaton so marvelously put it in the great movie, Something's Gotta Give, "Oh, I do love sex." Well put. I may not look like it, but I am a sex kitten - love it, everyday, twice a day, all ways, woot. Unfortunately I don't have a partner at the moment. A friend said, oh - I can't believe you can't go out and get laid! To which I said, uh - I don't know. I haven't tried. While I am an avid fan of sex - I am also built with the psyche of a straight-laced woman who is not mentally prepared for one night stands. I wasn't up for that in college (and wondered why I didn't have any offers, duh), I wasn't up for that while I was married (to an a-sexual spouse - let's leave that story for the professionals), and I am not up for it now. I'm not a prude, but I just can't take my clothes off, get below or on top of, someone I just met. Call me crazy.
Now I have another friend who recently has been dating a man with whom she gets along well, has fun, likes to be around, but decided he just wasn't going to be a long term prospect. She said she broke up with him, which actually meant, took him out of her potential long term relationship pool. So I asked the obvious question for a fellow traveler in the sexual desert - Did you at least get some sex? Her response was devestating to me. I was ready to live vicariously through her thrill ride. "No," she said, "I could have, but didn't think I should because..." Her voice trailed off for me. How could she pass up an opportunity like this? She knows the guy, likes him, is comfortable with him, and he is not looking for a long term partnership. I get that she is looking for love, but this is a golden opportunity. Well, she didn't see it that way, something about getting stuck if she slept with the guy. Hmmmm.
I have a third friend, a guy, who is taking a break from sexual liaisons at the moment. He has always been a go slow guy, but not so slow that he doesn't have a regular sex partner on call or in his life. He also has a bevy of volunteers, to whom he always says no. He's not looking to be a player, just a regular. Anyway, he is taking a break that is reminiscent of George Costanza - Seinfeld - where he becomes brilliant when he abstains from sex. Of course his condition completely reverses itself the minute he gives in and has sex with some woman. My friend is looking for clarity, focus, and wants to be without the distraction that comes with regular sex - that would be the woman who expects to be part of your life sometimes. So I asked him if this abstinence included the m-word and if he was king of his castle. No, no - daily self-love is not restricted. Well, there you have it, I said. Guys have it easy. Of course you can do without the complications of a woman when you are gratifying yourself daily, creating those endorfins, and feeling at least marginally satisfied. His retort to me was, "well, men are not the only ones who can self-gratify." Oh - wicked comeback. Not. It isn't the same for women, I protested.
In fact, I have great ambivalence in that area. I resort to self-gratification on occassion, but what I want is the entire thrill ride. Sex is more than just bodily response - it is also knowing that you are with another human being who has some interest in being there and with whom you are engaging in the most primitive ritual on the planet. To be in sync with another body, simultaneously breathing and heaving, hearing their voice in your ear, feeling their skin touch yours...Yeah. Where is my ac remote. Hot in here.
So the quest goes on. I do love sex, but as I define it.
As Diane Keaton so marvelously put it in the great movie, Something's Gotta Give, "Oh, I do love sex." Well put. I may not look like it, but I am a sex kitten - love it, everyday, twice a day, all ways, woot. Unfortunately I don't have a partner at the moment. A friend said, oh - I can't believe you can't go out and get laid! To which I said, uh - I don't know. I haven't tried. While I am an avid fan of sex - I am also built with the psyche of a straight-laced woman who is not mentally prepared for one night stands. I wasn't up for that in college (and wondered why I didn't have any offers, duh), I wasn't up for that while I was married (to an a-sexual spouse - let's leave that story for the professionals), and I am not up for it now. I'm not a prude, but I just can't take my clothes off, get below or on top of, someone I just met. Call me crazy.
Now I have another friend who recently has been dating a man with whom she gets along well, has fun, likes to be around, but decided he just wasn't going to be a long term prospect. She said she broke up with him, which actually meant, took him out of her potential long term relationship pool. So I asked the obvious question for a fellow traveler in the sexual desert - Did you at least get some sex? Her response was devestating to me. I was ready to live vicariously through her thrill ride. "No," she said, "I could have, but didn't think I should because..." Her voice trailed off for me. How could she pass up an opportunity like this? She knows the guy, likes him, is comfortable with him, and he is not looking for a long term partnership. I get that she is looking for love, but this is a golden opportunity. Well, she didn't see it that way, something about getting stuck if she slept with the guy. Hmmmm.
I have a third friend, a guy, who is taking a break from sexual liaisons at the moment. He has always been a go slow guy, but not so slow that he doesn't have a regular sex partner on call or in his life. He also has a bevy of volunteers, to whom he always says no. He's not looking to be a player, just a regular. Anyway, he is taking a break that is reminiscent of George Costanza - Seinfeld - where he becomes brilliant when he abstains from sex. Of course his condition completely reverses itself the minute he gives in and has sex with some woman. My friend is looking for clarity, focus, and wants to be without the distraction that comes with regular sex - that would be the woman who expects to be part of your life sometimes. So I asked him if this abstinence included the m-word and if he was king of his castle. No, no - daily self-love is not restricted. Well, there you have it, I said. Guys have it easy. Of course you can do without the complications of a woman when you are gratifying yourself daily, creating those endorfins, and feeling at least marginally satisfied. His retort to me was, "well, men are not the only ones who can self-gratify." Oh - wicked comeback. Not. It isn't the same for women, I protested.
In fact, I have great ambivalence in that area. I resort to self-gratification on occassion, but what I want is the entire thrill ride. Sex is more than just bodily response - it is also knowing that you are with another human being who has some interest in being there and with whom you are engaging in the most primitive ritual on the planet. To be in sync with another body, simultaneously breathing and heaving, hearing their voice in your ear, feeling their skin touch yours...Yeah. Where is my ac remote. Hot in here.
So the quest goes on. I do love sex, but as I define it.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Glutton for Punishment
I swore I would not do this again. I thought I had learned my lesson. I guess I didn't. I'm doing it again.
Yep, I'm hooked on The Bachelor-ette :o
I know I said after The Bachelor and the horrible ending and all that, I would not be manipulated by this TV show again. But Jillian is so cute and open and we want her to win! And she picked some great guys, but OMG, this IS the most manipulative TV show in the world. But I can't look away. I watch the episodes on the internet, so Tuesday night is my TV night. I get so swept up in this ridiculousness. Why?
Maybe we all secretly desire the fairy tale - romance, a connection, picking or getting picked to be "the one." Maybe we all secretly wish we could just find the guy allready - and if it has to be done in 13 weeks in a contrived situation globetrotting in front of a camera with 500 men we didn't pick ourselves - well, whatever - just so I get a guy who is hunky, loyal, romantic, dreamy, and a good kisser, right?
So how is it that Jillian can fall for 4 or 5 guys at once and can't choose? Women are not built lilke that. We expect guys to be that way, but gals fall hard for one guy at a time. But is that really the case? I know this show plays to all our stereotypes - Wes the musician bad boy, Reid the straight laced and cautious businessman, Mike the goofy youngest guy, etc. etc. etc. And poor Jillie, having to decide who is being straight with her, who is genuine, who loves her, and oh yeah, who does she love? This show is the modern version of The Dating Game. How far we've come in just 40 years. On that show you picked someone for a single date - not a romp, not an engagement, not a move-in, just a date. And the date was chaparoned. No funny stuff, no impropriety - even though this was the '60s and everyone was about free love and sleeping with everyone. Not on The Dating Game! LOL
So, now we accept the propriety and expect the impossible - that 2 people will fall in love on a dating marathon where potentials are winnowed like so much bad fruit each week. Well, guess he is past his expiration date - next! And if you are not sure, well, squeeze the fruit and maybe even take a taste - except everyone IS looking. Jillian has yet to go on the secret suite date where the potential mate spends the night - but it is bound to happen sometime. After all, she did sleep with Jason last season. Does that mean she is damaged goods? No, not our fair Jillian, Canada's sweetheart <3.
Will I keep watching? You bet'cha! I have to see how it ends. It's the ultimate chick flick and I am a sucker for romance. Hey - did you really think that Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan fell in love in all the movies they've been in together? No, but it sure is fun to pretend. So next Tuesday I will continue with my entertainment and realize though it claims to be reality TV, it is just pretend. I think I'm rooting for Reid...
Yep, I'm hooked on The Bachelor-ette :o
I know I said after The Bachelor and the horrible ending and all that, I would not be manipulated by this TV show again. But Jillian is so cute and open and we want her to win! And she picked some great guys, but OMG, this IS the most manipulative TV show in the world. But I can't look away. I watch the episodes on the internet, so Tuesday night is my TV night. I get so swept up in this ridiculousness. Why?
Maybe we all secretly desire the fairy tale - romance, a connection, picking or getting picked to be "the one." Maybe we all secretly wish we could just find the guy allready - and if it has to be done in 13 weeks in a contrived situation globetrotting in front of a camera with 500 men we didn't pick ourselves - well, whatever - just so I get a guy who is hunky, loyal, romantic, dreamy, and a good kisser, right?
So how is it that Jillian can fall for 4 or 5 guys at once and can't choose? Women are not built lilke that. We expect guys to be that way, but gals fall hard for one guy at a time. But is that really the case? I know this show plays to all our stereotypes - Wes the musician bad boy, Reid the straight laced and cautious businessman, Mike the goofy youngest guy, etc. etc. etc. And poor Jillie, having to decide who is being straight with her, who is genuine, who loves her, and oh yeah, who does she love? This show is the modern version of The Dating Game. How far we've come in just 40 years. On that show you picked someone for a single date - not a romp, not an engagement, not a move-in, just a date. And the date was chaparoned. No funny stuff, no impropriety - even though this was the '60s and everyone was about free love and sleeping with everyone. Not on The Dating Game! LOL
So, now we accept the propriety and expect the impossible - that 2 people will fall in love on a dating marathon where potentials are winnowed like so much bad fruit each week. Well, guess he is past his expiration date - next! And if you are not sure, well, squeeze the fruit and maybe even take a taste - except everyone IS looking. Jillian has yet to go on the secret suite date where the potential mate spends the night - but it is bound to happen sometime. After all, she did sleep with Jason last season. Does that mean she is damaged goods? No, not our fair Jillian, Canada's sweetheart <3.
Will I keep watching? You bet'cha! I have to see how it ends. It's the ultimate chick flick and I am a sucker for romance. Hey - did you really think that Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan fell in love in all the movies they've been in together? No, but it sure is fun to pretend. So next Tuesday I will continue with my entertainment and realize though it claims to be reality TV, it is just pretend. I think I'm rooting for Reid...
Sunday, June 21, 2009
50 is the new 50?
I just got More magazine delivered (a dear friend got me a subscription - print! how quaint!). On the cover is Holly Hunter, one of my favorite actresses, with the screaming headline "51." What? I had no idea she and I are so close in age. Of course on the cover, she looks fabulous! Doesn't look 50 at all. She looks something much less than 50! Of course, in my mind's eye, so do I. But when I see her on this cover and bring up my mental image of myself, I realize that apparently, I am the new 50. So instead of thinking of myself as something less than the dreaded 50, because I certainly don't look 50 and don't act anything like 50...maybe I need to redefine what 50 is.
Blooming in Midlife (I link to it in my blogroll) is one of my favorite writers and she wrote a very similar post a while back. I just didn't get it then. Now I have my own context, and I get it very clearly. I don't need to be 30, I just need to have the world redefine 50, starting with me!
I went to a bar on Saturday night for a quick pop-in. I was with a 30-something girlfriend who was visiting from out of town. I wasn't dressed, my hair looked like crap, and we just wanted a beer to refresh ourselves. She also was not dressed up, her hair looked like crap, and - you've probably guessed the rest. Bees to the honey as they say - every young guy in a 10 foot radius tried to start up a conversation with her. Not so with me. But, I've been to this bar before and had guys strike up conversations - older guys. So I know I am capable of attracting would be conversationalists! But the bar was filled with younger guys this night. And it became quite apparent to me that my 50 is not the new 30, but is 50. But the difference between my idea of 50 and the conventional idea of 50 is that I did not look out of place in this bar and I was very comfortable being there. I don't think anyone thought I was too old to be there or too old to be hanging out on a Saturday night. But they didn't mistake me for my 30ish friend either.
So ladies - 50 and over (and those who see it coming up fast on your horizon) - be 50 as YOU define it. Don't compromise, don't settle, live life as you wish, and have fun. We are fabulous. We just aren't 30.
Blooming in Midlife (I link to it in my blogroll) is one of my favorite writers and she wrote a very similar post a while back. I just didn't get it then. Now I have my own context, and I get it very clearly. I don't need to be 30, I just need to have the world redefine 50, starting with me!
I went to a bar on Saturday night for a quick pop-in. I was with a 30-something girlfriend who was visiting from out of town. I wasn't dressed, my hair looked like crap, and we just wanted a beer to refresh ourselves. She also was not dressed up, her hair looked like crap, and - you've probably guessed the rest. Bees to the honey as they say - every young guy in a 10 foot radius tried to start up a conversation with her. Not so with me. But, I've been to this bar before and had guys strike up conversations - older guys. So I know I am capable of attracting would be conversationalists! But the bar was filled with younger guys this night. And it became quite apparent to me that my 50 is not the new 30, but is 50. But the difference between my idea of 50 and the conventional idea of 50 is that I did not look out of place in this bar and I was very comfortable being there. I don't think anyone thought I was too old to be there or too old to be hanging out on a Saturday night. But they didn't mistake me for my 30ish friend either.
So ladies - 50 and over (and those who see it coming up fast on your horizon) - be 50 as YOU define it. Don't compromise, don't settle, live life as you wish, and have fun. We are fabulous. We just aren't 30.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Monday, June 1, 2009
Vacation
Went on vacation for 10 days. Feel great! Weekend getaways are nice, but to really decompress, forget about work, and lose yourself, you need more time. I know the vacation was a succes because I forgot my work computer login when I rebooted my laptop today! Ahhhhhhh.
So a successful vacation should have at least one, if not all of these activities
1. shoe shopping - cute new mary-janes in leather, perfect for summer fun
2. pedicure - toes have to look good in the new shoes (that have cut-outs through which to view said toes)
3. catching up with girlfriends - and new stories to tell!
4. hotel indulgence - I love hotel towels, plush bedding, and valet parking.
5. hot sex - sadly, this makes my list but not my reality. foo-ey
So, one of my girlfriends was relaying her most recent Matchbook or Matchface or whatever the online dating service is, and she had an interesting connection. I was so proud of her for standing up to mr. quasi-ethics who tried to play fast and loose with the truth. So here's her story...
She is fervently anti-smoking. She notes on her profile that it is a deal breaker. So she meets up with this guy who she has spent a lot of time on the phone with and he seems great! All is going well on the date, until he says something about smoking. Uh, what? Hmm. Seems he "indulges" in a smoke on rare occasions. Now I've been known to sneak a cig when I've been drinking a wee bit too much, so slip ups do occur. But unfortunately, our Romeo-to-be indulges a bit more frequently. Apparently, for him, he likes to smoke when playing pool. Ok. Guys will be guys. It's almost a bit of a macho cliche - Brando-esque! In some dive pool hall, looking tough, smokin' a cig. Well, the smoke thickens. She goes to his place (innocently, don't get ahead of yourselves). Lo and behold - he has a pool table in his basement and the room smells of (drum roll, please) smoke. Uh, want to explain yourself buddy? What a guy!! So he lied that he was a non-smoker on his profile, then lies that he smokes more than occassionally, and does it in his house. Well, sometimes people panic, right? So let's hear the explanation - oh and this is a good one. He actually said this..."I didn't want to say anything in case it didn't work out between us. But since it is working out, I figured I could quit. I'll do it for you." AAAHHHHHAAAHHHHHAAA (sound of my friend running from the house LOL).
Why do people feel the need to tell fibs, tell lies, and then compound it with another tall tale????
If they guy had been upfront - he might have had a chance. But to suggest he was waiting to see how things went? Tell her what she's won - a date who will quit smoking for you! Thanks, but no thanks. My friend did not need a nicotene fitted lunatic who would blame her for his weight gain as he gives up his occassional smokes and his smelly pool table.
The dating pool is a dangerous place - sharks, poisonous blowfish, camafloughed jellyfish, and other bottom feeders. Aren't there any tropical lagoons like in the magazines?? Just sayin.
So a successful vacation should have at least one, if not all of these activities
1. shoe shopping - cute new mary-janes in leather, perfect for summer fun
2. pedicure - toes have to look good in the new shoes (that have cut-outs through which to view said toes)
3. catching up with girlfriends - and new stories to tell!
4. hotel indulgence - I love hotel towels, plush bedding, and valet parking.
5. hot sex - sadly, this makes my list but not my reality. foo-ey
So, one of my girlfriends was relaying her most recent Matchbook or Matchface or whatever the online dating service is, and she had an interesting connection. I was so proud of her for standing up to mr. quasi-ethics who tried to play fast and loose with the truth. So here's her story...
She is fervently anti-smoking. She notes on her profile that it is a deal breaker. So she meets up with this guy who she has spent a lot of time on the phone with and he seems great! All is going well on the date, until he says something about smoking. Uh, what? Hmm. Seems he "indulges" in a smoke on rare occasions. Now I've been known to sneak a cig when I've been drinking a wee bit too much, so slip ups do occur. But unfortunately, our Romeo-to-be indulges a bit more frequently. Apparently, for him, he likes to smoke when playing pool. Ok. Guys will be guys. It's almost a bit of a macho cliche - Brando-esque! In some dive pool hall, looking tough, smokin' a cig. Well, the smoke thickens. She goes to his place (innocently, don't get ahead of yourselves). Lo and behold - he has a pool table in his basement and the room smells of (drum roll, please) smoke. Uh, want to explain yourself buddy? What a guy!! So he lied that he was a non-smoker on his profile, then lies that he smokes more than occassionally, and does it in his house. Well, sometimes people panic, right? So let's hear the explanation - oh and this is a good one. He actually said this..."I didn't want to say anything in case it didn't work out between us. But since it is working out, I figured I could quit. I'll do it for you." AAAHHHHHAAAHHHHHAAA (sound of my friend running from the house LOL).
Why do people feel the need to tell fibs, tell lies, and then compound it with another tall tale????
If they guy had been upfront - he might have had a chance. But to suggest he was waiting to see how things went? Tell her what she's won - a date who will quit smoking for you! Thanks, but no thanks. My friend did not need a nicotene fitted lunatic who would blame her for his weight gain as he gives up his occassional smokes and his smelly pool table.
The dating pool is a dangerous place - sharks, poisonous blowfish, camafloughed jellyfish, and other bottom feeders. Aren't there any tropical lagoons like in the magazines?? Just sayin.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
What is age appropriate?
I just went out for a girls' night with my old college roommate. We had a blast. We usually see each other once a year, are Facebook friends, and keep up by phone a few times a year. We were quite the party girls in college and she hasn't stopped. I've never known anyone quite like her - she bar hops all the time, throws parties, goes to parties, travels with friends, and carries on like a 20-something. I'm exhausted just thinking about it. I chalk it up to my friend just being who she is and don't rate myself in comparison. But I have to wonder if that lifestyle isn't why she has had many more relationships and dates than I have even thought of! She has a child who is in college, but her kid's age never slowed my friend down. This is not an empty nester going wild (ooh - cool video series idea!), but someone who has been fun-loving and energetic her entire life.
Though I don't live my life in the fast lane like her, we are very much alike. We both believe in doing what we want to do, and living life to the fullest - in whatever manner we want. She parties and socializes. I work on causes and politics. Her style enables her to engage with people constantly, and she is now in marketing - seems reasonable. My style enables me to be somewhat isolated but engaged in meaningful activites. This suits my career choice. However, it does not do much for my social life.
So as I rode the train home this morning (no propositions on this trip, thank gawd), I thought about how my life needs to change again. I am in a career that is considered solitary in style. It takes up all my time (and most days I don't work enough). So if I stay with this career, as I have been doing for the last 20 years, I can't expect to be engaged with a big social whirl. I am very good at what I do, but increasingly dissatisfied with it as a personal choice. It has it's frustrations, as most careers do, but these are really bothering me these days. I have so much ambition and drive, interest in the subject matter that I take on daily, but am constrained by the conservative environment of a large organizational structure in which I work.
I'm thinking of breaking out - but feel completely hemmed in by my benefits - retirement contribution, health benefits, steady income. In this economy I can't give that up because I chaffe at my frustrations, can I? Yes, I could, but what really hit me was that I would be putting myself in a vulnerable position without retirement and health insurance. At my age - doesn't that sound awful! - but it is true. At my age I need a safety net. I don't have any inheritance coming and no husband to catch me. I am frightened that I am so frightened! I want to be that carefree college girl who was ready to take on anything and had plenty of time. Now I don't feel like time is on my side. There is an air of practicality that fills my space and I don't like it. What's next? Will I take up with whoever I can find so I have a safety net? Will I become compliant and milquetoast to ensure I keep my job and not rock the boat? These behaviors would require a personality transplant on my part! I'll keep thinking on it. Tough choices - but that's what I like - a challenge!!
Though I don't live my life in the fast lane like her, we are very much alike. We both believe in doing what we want to do, and living life to the fullest - in whatever manner we want. She parties and socializes. I work on causes and politics. Her style enables her to engage with people constantly, and she is now in marketing - seems reasonable. My style enables me to be somewhat isolated but engaged in meaningful activites. This suits my career choice. However, it does not do much for my social life.
So as I rode the train home this morning (no propositions on this trip, thank gawd), I thought about how my life needs to change again. I am in a career that is considered solitary in style. It takes up all my time (and most days I don't work enough). So if I stay with this career, as I have been doing for the last 20 years, I can't expect to be engaged with a big social whirl. I am very good at what I do, but increasingly dissatisfied with it as a personal choice. It has it's frustrations, as most careers do, but these are really bothering me these days. I have so much ambition and drive, interest in the subject matter that I take on daily, but am constrained by the conservative environment of a large organizational structure in which I work.
I'm thinking of breaking out - but feel completely hemmed in by my benefits - retirement contribution, health benefits, steady income. In this economy I can't give that up because I chaffe at my frustrations, can I? Yes, I could, but what really hit me was that I would be putting myself in a vulnerable position without retirement and health insurance. At my age - doesn't that sound awful! - but it is true. At my age I need a safety net. I don't have any inheritance coming and no husband to catch me. I am frightened that I am so frightened! I want to be that carefree college girl who was ready to take on anything and had plenty of time. Now I don't feel like time is on my side. There is an air of practicality that fills my space and I don't like it. What's next? Will I take up with whoever I can find so I have a safety net? Will I become compliant and milquetoast to ensure I keep my job and not rock the boat? These behaviors would require a personality transplant on my part! I'll keep thinking on it. Tough choices - but that's what I like - a challenge!!
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Random
Time to lighten up! Spring is here. Time to feel good.
What gets in the way of feeling good at our age?
For me, my body keeps changing - my sleep pattern changes, my energy level changes, my mood changes. This is for the birds. I don't see this happening to Hillary Clinton!
My body can't seem to handle alcohol anymore. I think this is why elderly people are alcoholics. I am not elderly - but as we age, the metabolism changes. And one drink leads to another, and another, and well, before you know it I have flown right past the point of sensability. In earlier posts I said I was drinking to escape, etc. I had a breakthrough in my awareness of this. But what I see now is that in addition to that is that my body cannot handle it. I can give up alcohol, but my experience has been a big surprise!
I am coming up on what would have been my 30th wedding anniversary. I thought about this because I was thinking about mom. This year I am the same age my mother was when I got married. That's a sobering thought! My life is nothing like hers and my outlook and approach to life is nothing like hers. Have things changed that much in 30 years? What's really scary is that I have a complete set of memories of my mom during my adult life. I saw and in her later years was an active participant in her life. She changed dramatically during that time and died 30 years later. Whoa. I hope my life continues to be a complete departure from hers. I don't like the previews.
My last random thought has to do with makeup. I wore it when I was in my teens and 20s. Gave it up after that. Couldn't stand it on my face which was always on the brink of breaking out. I lived in a very hot climate and makeup sweating off your face is not really attractive. But these days, I find my face color is blotchy and not as attractive as I would like. So I went back to the Isle of Olay and took the right turn at the Covergirl spot. I had seen an ad for a Covergirl/Olay product advertised by Ellen! She looked great in the ad and she has a beautiful wife, so I figured, maybe this product would make me attractive. I have used the foundation and I like it! It is just sheer enough so it is not visible, but it covers the blotches and red spots, giving a nice even tone. It's easy to put on and blend because you put it on with a little sponge. But last night I was perspiring and used my dinner napkin to blot my forehead and yep, there was the makeup on my napkin. Hmm. Guess I have to learn a little more about how to apply. However - this makeup does not cake in your wrinkles - the big ad feature and it lives up to the hype! It has Olay Regenerist syrum and Covergirl foundation. I can live with this.
Enjoy spring - get out and about! I feel good!
What gets in the way of feeling good at our age?
For me, my body keeps changing - my sleep pattern changes, my energy level changes, my mood changes. This is for the birds. I don't see this happening to Hillary Clinton!
My body can't seem to handle alcohol anymore. I think this is why elderly people are alcoholics. I am not elderly - but as we age, the metabolism changes. And one drink leads to another, and another, and well, before you know it I have flown right past the point of sensability. In earlier posts I said I was drinking to escape, etc. I had a breakthrough in my awareness of this. But what I see now is that in addition to that is that my body cannot handle it. I can give up alcohol, but my experience has been a big surprise!
I am coming up on what would have been my 30th wedding anniversary. I thought about this because I was thinking about mom. This year I am the same age my mother was when I got married. That's a sobering thought! My life is nothing like hers and my outlook and approach to life is nothing like hers. Have things changed that much in 30 years? What's really scary is that I have a complete set of memories of my mom during my adult life. I saw and in her later years was an active participant in her life. She changed dramatically during that time and died 30 years later. Whoa. I hope my life continues to be a complete departure from hers. I don't like the previews.
My last random thought has to do with makeup. I wore it when I was in my teens and 20s. Gave it up after that. Couldn't stand it on my face which was always on the brink of breaking out. I lived in a very hot climate and makeup sweating off your face is not really attractive. But these days, I find my face color is blotchy and not as attractive as I would like. So I went back to the Isle of Olay and took the right turn at the Covergirl spot. I had seen an ad for a Covergirl/Olay product advertised by Ellen! She looked great in the ad and she has a beautiful wife, so I figured, maybe this product would make me attractive. I have used the foundation and I like it! It is just sheer enough so it is not visible, but it covers the blotches and red spots, giving a nice even tone. It's easy to put on and blend because you put it on with a little sponge. But last night I was perspiring and used my dinner napkin to blot my forehead and yep, there was the makeup on my napkin. Hmm. Guess I have to learn a little more about how to apply. However - this makeup does not cake in your wrinkles - the big ad feature and it lives up to the hype! It has Olay Regenerist syrum and Covergirl foundation. I can live with this.
Enjoy spring - get out and about! I feel good!
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Does this pass the smell test?
The days fly by and there never seems to be enough time to get everything done. I couldn't in good conscience stop to write on this blog while there was mountains of work to do could I? Or maybe I just wasn't motivated to write about girl-power. I was busy learning some new technology, busy being fabulous at my job, and saving the world. But today, I was brought back to earth. Yowza, was I ever.
I have been feeling very productive and powerful - doing a good job at the office, accomplishing things, being a good colleague. I took a new job this year, same career, but very different location. I am in a much more "traditional" work environment and I am not used to this. So I have had a nagging issue since October. I have dutifully tried to run it up the chain of command and every time I pushed it up, it came back down. I finally had to push it up to the 2nd in command and I knew he had the power to fix the problem. I carefully laid out the issue and asked for his assistance. He pushed it back down with a really silly read on the situation. I pushed it back to him pointing out some additional information and making my point firmly, but politely - asceding to his position. What's the title of the popular book about women execs - something like Good Girls don't get to the top. Yeah, in spades.
So I had kept a colleague apprised who used to have my position. He has been very helpful in helping me navigate this organization and helping me understand the river of decisions and projects that I was jumping into. Now the problem that came up in October, started on his watch and it was up to me to finish it up. So my colleague swoops in and sends a very chummy/clubby email to the #2 honcho and offers "let's go have a cup of coffee and I will spell it all out." Next thing I know the honcho has done exactly what I asked and gets the problem solved. He follows it up with an email to my colleague - thanks for the explanation. Once I understood the situation it made sense to take action. Uh, hello? I did the same thing and got slapped down. The guys get together and gee, Beaver, everything is great!
Ok, so I understand the old boys network is part of my current environment. I can deal with that. So I see the honcho today at an event and thank him for taking action and solving our problem. He says, and no kidding here - to my face, "oh that was xxxx (my colleague). He got this settled. Once he offered the solution and laid it out, it was easy. I didn't do anything, blah, blah, blah."
Did I mention that I am the unit leader and my colleague works for me? It's not quite that rigid, but there is at least a modicum of chain of command in my workplace. So maybe I should have soft sold the honcho and invited him to coffee and explained all this to him so he would feel ok about doing his job. Or my colleague could have suggested the strategy to me as the preferred method in our workplace's culture. But just swoop in, fix it, cut me out of the deal (which I had made peace with and could let go), but then slapped down AGAIN by the honcho and infer that I was not capable and if not for my colleague with the brilliant answer (the same one I proposed) - well who knows what would have happened.
I really don't have time for petty stuff and I am not trying to blow this up into a wah, wah, I was ignored. But this has the distinct whiff of sexism. I may not be the worlds greatest manager and I certainly don't have the same style as my colleague and the honcho. I could certainly use some work on adapting to a new workplace culture, but I can't help but think this one does not pass the smell test. Am I being too thin skinned here? After all, the problem was resolved, just as I wanted, but what about next time? How do I handle the honcho next time? Starbucks, I guess.
I have been feeling very productive and powerful - doing a good job at the office, accomplishing things, being a good colleague. I took a new job this year, same career, but very different location. I am in a much more "traditional" work environment and I am not used to this. So I have had a nagging issue since October. I have dutifully tried to run it up the chain of command and every time I pushed it up, it came back down. I finally had to push it up to the 2nd in command and I knew he had the power to fix the problem. I carefully laid out the issue and asked for his assistance. He pushed it back down with a really silly read on the situation. I pushed it back to him pointing out some additional information and making my point firmly, but politely - asceding to his position. What's the title of the popular book about women execs - something like Good Girls don't get to the top. Yeah, in spades.
So I had kept a colleague apprised who used to have my position. He has been very helpful in helping me navigate this organization and helping me understand the river of decisions and projects that I was jumping into. Now the problem that came up in October, started on his watch and it was up to me to finish it up. So my colleague swoops in and sends a very chummy/clubby email to the #2 honcho and offers "let's go have a cup of coffee and I will spell it all out." Next thing I know the honcho has done exactly what I asked and gets the problem solved. He follows it up with an email to my colleague - thanks for the explanation. Once I understood the situation it made sense to take action. Uh, hello? I did the same thing and got slapped down. The guys get together and gee, Beaver, everything is great!
Ok, so I understand the old boys network is part of my current environment. I can deal with that. So I see the honcho today at an event and thank him for taking action and solving our problem. He says, and no kidding here - to my face, "oh that was xxxx (my colleague). He got this settled. Once he offered the solution and laid it out, it was easy. I didn't do anything, blah, blah, blah."
Did I mention that I am the unit leader and my colleague works for me? It's not quite that rigid, but there is at least a modicum of chain of command in my workplace. So maybe I should have soft sold the honcho and invited him to coffee and explained all this to him so he would feel ok about doing his job. Or my colleague could have suggested the strategy to me as the preferred method in our workplace's culture. But just swoop in, fix it, cut me out of the deal (which I had made peace with and could let go), but then slapped down AGAIN by the honcho and infer that I was not capable and if not for my colleague with the brilliant answer (the same one I proposed) - well who knows what would have happened.
I really don't have time for petty stuff and I am not trying to blow this up into a wah, wah, I was ignored. But this has the distinct whiff of sexism. I may not be the worlds greatest manager and I certainly don't have the same style as my colleague and the honcho. I could certainly use some work on adapting to a new workplace culture, but I can't help but think this one does not pass the smell test. Am I being too thin skinned here? After all, the problem was resolved, just as I wanted, but what about next time? How do I handle the honcho next time? Starbucks, I guess.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Port in a Storm?
I just talked with a friend who has been preparing to leave her husband. She had planned to get all her "ducks in a row" before dropping the bomb. But as these things usually go, she got into an argument with him, and let it rip. He made some dumb statements because he is defensive. She took up a position that is righteous, but unproductive, and you probably can see where this is going.
I told her that I wished I had gotten better advice before I legally took the plunge only because I thought it would be easy, and the aftermath has been less easy. I didn't have kids or much property and she has both. My spouse and I found a way to split in an amicable way, but it didn't mean we knew what we were doing. I was penny wise and pound foolish and should have gotten a good legal consultation. Would have made things less traumatic.
My friend has discovered that her family finances are not completely in both of their names. Seems that accounts for the kids are only listed with him and there is at least one bank account that is his only. She was surprised when the bank would not give her any info on those accounts. Hello! If you don't know those basic facts, you really need legal representation. It's a minefield she is walking into. I'll be her friend and support her emotionally as best I can. She did that for me and I have done it for her before. It is what friends do.
So she had this funny take on things. She said she expected to be alone in her later life because she just hasn't met men who have it together, can keep up with her, and are worth having around. I hear ya, sister. But her solution is to make a pact with a female friend to be there for each other. She said, "it would be like a lesbian relationship without the sex." I don't know that she has made a very good analogy, but it got me to thinking that as we all get older, we may need some kind of communal lifestyle. Who wants to live isolated in some bee-hive of a condo in Miami, alone. Not me. And I have no interest in living in a secluded "retirement" community. I want to continue being actively engaged in the world. I also don't want to be alone. I like being around people. I may or may not find a man to be in relationship with, so why not form a pact with women friends? I would love to hear about other women's experiences in this type of arrangement.
I told her that I wished I had gotten better advice before I legally took the plunge only because I thought it would be easy, and the aftermath has been less easy. I didn't have kids or much property and she has both. My spouse and I found a way to split in an amicable way, but it didn't mean we knew what we were doing. I was penny wise and pound foolish and should have gotten a good legal consultation. Would have made things less traumatic.
My friend has discovered that her family finances are not completely in both of their names. Seems that accounts for the kids are only listed with him and there is at least one bank account that is his only. She was surprised when the bank would not give her any info on those accounts. Hello! If you don't know those basic facts, you really need legal representation. It's a minefield she is walking into. I'll be her friend and support her emotionally as best I can. She did that for me and I have done it for her before. It is what friends do.
So she had this funny take on things. She said she expected to be alone in her later life because she just hasn't met men who have it together, can keep up with her, and are worth having around. I hear ya, sister. But her solution is to make a pact with a female friend to be there for each other. She said, "it would be like a lesbian relationship without the sex." I don't know that she has made a very good analogy, but it got me to thinking that as we all get older, we may need some kind of communal lifestyle. Who wants to live isolated in some bee-hive of a condo in Miami, alone. Not me. And I have no interest in living in a secluded "retirement" community. I want to continue being actively engaged in the world. I also don't want to be alone. I like being around people. I may or may not find a man to be in relationship with, so why not form a pact with women friends? I would love to hear about other women's experiences in this type of arrangement.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Online Dating v. Bumping in the Pool
So after my train lethario told me of his internet dating issues, I thought about my own experiences. It never seemed to work out for me, but it may be because I wrote intimidating personal statements that dared even the bravest man to ask me out. But hey, I was out there!
I have a friend who had a bad experience on e-harmony (bleh!) and has now taken the plunge again on match.com. Now "Must Love Dogs" is one of my favorite movies, and wouldn't we all love to meet John Cusack on match.com! But my friend said getting on line is more likely to help her meet someone than just sitting at home on her couch. She also said friends had suggested she troll the supermarket for dates. Ummmm. no. Like the old Animal House scene where the handsome playboy U student props Mrs. Wormer in the produce section by showing her his cusumber. I want to be able to return to my market and not make it off limits because I found a lemon there.
I tell friends that when you open yourself to others, you will meet people. When you are closed and suspicious, no one is going to talk to you. It's kind of like bumping around in a crowded pool. You can bob around and not talk to anyone or you can have fun and play with whomever you bump into. I would rather take my chances with an in-person, live encounter than putting up a persona and asking people to review it for compatibility. Ugh.
I have another friend who met her husband in the personal ads (long ago, before the internet...). I never did a personal ad. I guess I just prefer looking for in-person chemistry. I'm a hopeless romantic. My best friend and I each distinctly remember the moment we met. Kismet :)
So I embrace all the modern technologies - like blogging, twitter, facebook, linkedin, email, web page...I'm out there! There must be some guys out there for me that don't wear ill-fitting suits with wild hair or at least if they do, they have a great wit and intellect!
I have a friend who had a bad experience on e-harmony (bleh!) and has now taken the plunge again on match.com. Now "Must Love Dogs" is one of my favorite movies, and wouldn't we all love to meet John Cusack on match.com! But my friend said getting on line is more likely to help her meet someone than just sitting at home on her couch. She also said friends had suggested she troll the supermarket for dates. Ummmm. no. Like the old Animal House scene where the handsome playboy U student props Mrs. Wormer in the produce section by showing her his cusumber. I want to be able to return to my market and not make it off limits because I found a lemon there.
I tell friends that when you open yourself to others, you will meet people. When you are closed and suspicious, no one is going to talk to you. It's kind of like bumping around in a crowded pool. You can bob around and not talk to anyone or you can have fun and play with whomever you bump into. I would rather take my chances with an in-person, live encounter than putting up a persona and asking people to review it for compatibility. Ugh.
I have another friend who met her husband in the personal ads (long ago, before the internet...). I never did a personal ad. I guess I just prefer looking for in-person chemistry. I'm a hopeless romantic. My best friend and I each distinctly remember the moment we met. Kismet :)
So I embrace all the modern technologies - like blogging, twitter, facebook, linkedin, email, web page...I'm out there! There must be some guys out there for me that don't wear ill-fitting suits with wild hair or at least if they do, they have a great wit and intellect!
Monday, March 30, 2009
Moms and Daughters
I watched Grey's Annatomy today, one of my faves. There was a patient sub-story that reminded me of my mom. I just broke down. She died two years ago this Wednesday and my dad died two weeks to the day after her.
I think about why I am so moved by her death and don't feel quite the same way about my dad. Maybe it has to do with how I interacted with them, maybe it is how a child feels about their mother as opposed to their father. I don't know. But I think there is a special bond between girls and their moms. They take us through a lot of ritual, life's milestones, and present a miror for us on sexuality, beauty, againg, and parenting. I had plenty of growing up issues and disagreements with my mom, but later in life we came around to find a peace with each other - as most parents and children do - and I took care of her as best I could in her last years.
My mom was tough and resilient and creative. She was a real model for me on how to get through life. She made mistakes and some were whoppers, but she found her way through her life and lived a life she could be proud of. I hated that I found the best option was to put her in a nursing home. Not something that she ever wanted. But her husband could not care for her, she was not ambulatory, she could not care for herself and I could not care for her nor afford full time care. The only way to care for her was to put her on state assistance and find the best accommodations I could and visit her regularly and frequently. As you can read, I still beat myself up over this, knowing I had no other choice that I could make work and that I did the best I could for her.
When we are young, we never see that we might be in such a position. Our moms are always our protector, our friend, our adversary, our oppressor. Anything but our mom. It's only now that I realize what that role was and how hard it was for her to do it and how she did it anyway and usually with great love and care. I miss my mom. And even though I am not a mom, I still try to behave as she would and live up to what I will never formally be.
I think about why I am so moved by her death and don't feel quite the same way about my dad. Maybe it has to do with how I interacted with them, maybe it is how a child feels about their mother as opposed to their father. I don't know. But I think there is a special bond between girls and their moms. They take us through a lot of ritual, life's milestones, and present a miror for us on sexuality, beauty, againg, and parenting. I had plenty of growing up issues and disagreements with my mom, but later in life we came around to find a peace with each other - as most parents and children do - and I took care of her as best I could in her last years.
My mom was tough and resilient and creative. She was a real model for me on how to get through life. She made mistakes and some were whoppers, but she found her way through her life and lived a life she could be proud of. I hated that I found the best option was to put her in a nursing home. Not something that she ever wanted. But her husband could not care for her, she was not ambulatory, she could not care for herself and I could not care for her nor afford full time care. The only way to care for her was to put her on state assistance and find the best accommodations I could and visit her regularly and frequently. As you can read, I still beat myself up over this, knowing I had no other choice that I could make work and that I did the best I could for her.
When we are young, we never see that we might be in such a position. Our moms are always our protector, our friend, our adversary, our oppressor. Anything but our mom. It's only now that I realize what that role was and how hard it was for her to do it and how she did it anyway and usually with great love and care. I miss my mom. And even though I am not a mom, I still try to behave as she would and live up to what I will never formally be.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Attractive or Flypaper?
Just got off of a several day business trip. I was on a local train going home. It is a light rail, so you can't go from car to car. It was crowded and I had to stand in the center area. I noticed a guy standing with his back to me. He had on a cheap, polyester sport coat and had hair going in all directions. He just looked frumpy. I'm not one to judge - but he was muttering. That's what drew my attention.
He turned around and saw me. He did a double take. Uh, oh. Yep, he sauntered across the car to me. "Hi, how ya doin" he says. Fine, thanks. I am polite but avoid eye contact. No luck. "So, you're doin ok. that's good. yeah. so, train is crowded. yeah. hmmm. would you like to go for a drink?"
I kid you not, the guy props me straight up. I'm polite, "no thanks." He mutters some kind of oh, ok, response and goes back to where he was. Whew!
Uh, oh. He's back. I got a jump seat and he stands next to me. "You're very pretty. very pretty." Uh, thank you. What I am I supposed to say? I can't get away - no where to go. He goes back and forth for awhile. Continues chit chat - I don't know what I'm going to do tonight - maybe shoping, maybe a movie. You like movies? He asks my name, I reply. Should have made something up. I am not good at deception. He comes back again and I'm reading on my iphone. He says, "is that a book? Oh wow." Then proceeds to pull out some phone and starts showing me the features, and he can get internet, blah, blah. Hello. I'm trying to read here. I keep reading, he keeps talking. And he is pushy, directly asking for a response to his querries.
OMG - what to do. So I decide to be pleasant, but not engaging. The guy could be a psycho for all I know. Plus, he is trying. Most guys won't, so I don't want to completely ignore him. He keeps trying. "So, what you don't date? I guess you like to be alone? Would you like to go out?" So I just firmly, but politely say - Actually, I'm involved with someone.
He is crest fallen, but continues. "Oh, yeah, sure. Ok. Well, I know how that is. If I'm dating someone, I don't talk to other women. Yeah, I don't want her talking to other guys either. Yeah, I get it. Well, I have tried some internet dating..." He proceeds to tell me about his internet escapades and how he is not sure about it. Help!
Finally - his stop is arriving. "well, I guess I'll see you. Nice to meet you." he holds out his hand for a handshake. 'Nice to meet you too, Vinnie. Have a great weekend" I say. Oh, I forgot to mention - his name is Vinnie. It is so trite I can't believe it. He grasps my hand, then cups it with his other hand is pumping my hand and it's like he can't let go. He finally does. One more comment..."well maybe someday you'll be single again, you never know and you might want a baby." Huh?
After the door closes I see 3 people sitting across from me and they all just bust out laughing. I sheepishly laugh too and said - there was no escape! They begin to recap his strange approach and conversation. Yeah, it was wierd.
As I sat on the train I'm thinking. You get what you attract. Is this the type of person I am attracting? I need to step up my style, my look, something. I did admire his willingness to put himeself out there. But when someone says no thanks and is not returning your interest, back off! He didn't take the hint, the direct refusal, or the ignoring him while reading. It is a little depressing to think that this is the longest convo I have had with a potential date in a while and the first ask in a while too. I am not good at this, but hope my prospects improve! I should mention, he was at least 10 years younger than me. So at least I got that going for me LOL.
He turned around and saw me. He did a double take. Uh, oh. Yep, he sauntered across the car to me. "Hi, how ya doin" he says. Fine, thanks. I am polite but avoid eye contact. No luck. "So, you're doin ok. that's good. yeah. so, train is crowded. yeah. hmmm. would you like to go for a drink?"
I kid you not, the guy props me straight up. I'm polite, "no thanks." He mutters some kind of oh, ok, response and goes back to where he was. Whew!
Uh, oh. He's back. I got a jump seat and he stands next to me. "You're very pretty. very pretty." Uh, thank you. What I am I supposed to say? I can't get away - no where to go. He goes back and forth for awhile. Continues chit chat - I don't know what I'm going to do tonight - maybe shoping, maybe a movie. You like movies? He asks my name, I reply. Should have made something up. I am not good at deception. He comes back again and I'm reading on my iphone. He says, "is that a book? Oh wow." Then proceeds to pull out some phone and starts showing me the features, and he can get internet, blah, blah. Hello. I'm trying to read here. I keep reading, he keeps talking. And he is pushy, directly asking for a response to his querries.
OMG - what to do. So I decide to be pleasant, but not engaging. The guy could be a psycho for all I know. Plus, he is trying. Most guys won't, so I don't want to completely ignore him. He keeps trying. "So, what you don't date? I guess you like to be alone? Would you like to go out?" So I just firmly, but politely say - Actually, I'm involved with someone.
He is crest fallen, but continues. "Oh, yeah, sure. Ok. Well, I know how that is. If I'm dating someone, I don't talk to other women. Yeah, I don't want her talking to other guys either. Yeah, I get it. Well, I have tried some internet dating..." He proceeds to tell me about his internet escapades and how he is not sure about it. Help!
Finally - his stop is arriving. "well, I guess I'll see you. Nice to meet you." he holds out his hand for a handshake. 'Nice to meet you too, Vinnie. Have a great weekend" I say. Oh, I forgot to mention - his name is Vinnie. It is so trite I can't believe it. He grasps my hand, then cups it with his other hand is pumping my hand and it's like he can't let go. He finally does. One more comment..."well maybe someday you'll be single again, you never know and you might want a baby." Huh?
After the door closes I see 3 people sitting across from me and they all just bust out laughing. I sheepishly laugh too and said - there was no escape! They begin to recap his strange approach and conversation. Yeah, it was wierd.
As I sat on the train I'm thinking. You get what you attract. Is this the type of person I am attracting? I need to step up my style, my look, something. I did admire his willingness to put himeself out there. But when someone says no thanks and is not returning your interest, back off! He didn't take the hint, the direct refusal, or the ignoring him while reading. It is a little depressing to think that this is the longest convo I have had with a potential date in a while and the first ask in a while too. I am not good at this, but hope my prospects improve! I should mention, he was at least 10 years younger than me. So at least I got that going for me LOL.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Does Divorce Ever End?
I took the big, bold step in 2004. I had a frightfully unfullfilling marriage and decided enough was enough. I contributed to the unfullfilling union too. I was no saint. But at some point, I realized this had not been working for a long time and I was tired of trying. For me, the decision was the best I ever made. When I made the decision, however, I was not prepared for all the detangling that must occur. We owned a house, we had a ridiculous amount of credit card debt, and my soon to be ex had not been working for 4 years. We lived in a delusional bubble where we always assumed his next job was just around the corner. Of course, as soon as I left him he had a job in 2 weeks.
Fast forward to today - 5 years later. He is once again unemployed and heading to bankruptcy court. Ok. He has to do what he has to do. Only one problem with this. His bankruptcy will shift ALL the joint debt to me. Oh crap! He will file chapter 7 to wipe his slate clean, because he has very limited income. But the creditors will not wipe out joint debt. They just go to the other person to collect. That would be me.
It seems that my only hope of avoiding a complete financial meltdown is to file chapter 13 bankruptcy first and hope I can save myself. The court will create a payment plan for 3-5 years and the creditors will have to live with whatever I give them. After that, the debt is gone. Of course, that means my disposable income will be cut to the bone. Oh joy!
I get calls from his creditors., who are really my creditors. They don't read divorce decrees. They find my address and send stuff to him at my house. It's like one of those flypaper jokes where you can't get the stuff off your fingers. Get out of my life already! I'm looking at bankruptcy - the gift that keeps on giving. I would love to get my old debt cleared away in such a way that I pay but get some relief. I need a bailout. But I don't like being forced into this because my ex can't manage his life. That's why I left. It's like being stuck in the gravitational pull of a planet you want to escape. Where is my hyperdrive?
Now that I look at the legal advice, the suggestion is to file bankruptcy before divorce and then you each get a fresh start. I was too deluded to even think that was an option then. Oh well.
So here I am in the prime of my 2nd life, facing bankruptcy. Not a pretty picture. But I have my head on straight and I just have to get through this. When it is over, I can finally celebrate my divorce.
Fast forward to today - 5 years later. He is once again unemployed and heading to bankruptcy court. Ok. He has to do what he has to do. Only one problem with this. His bankruptcy will shift ALL the joint debt to me. Oh crap! He will file chapter 7 to wipe his slate clean, because he has very limited income. But the creditors will not wipe out joint debt. They just go to the other person to collect. That would be me.
It seems that my only hope of avoiding a complete financial meltdown is to file chapter 13 bankruptcy first and hope I can save myself. The court will create a payment plan for 3-5 years and the creditors will have to live with whatever I give them. After that, the debt is gone. Of course, that means my disposable income will be cut to the bone. Oh joy!
I get calls from his creditors., who are really my creditors. They don't read divorce decrees. They find my address and send stuff to him at my house. It's like one of those flypaper jokes where you can't get the stuff off your fingers. Get out of my life already! I'm looking at bankruptcy - the gift that keeps on giving. I would love to get my old debt cleared away in such a way that I pay but get some relief. I need a bailout. But I don't like being forced into this because my ex can't manage his life. That's why I left. It's like being stuck in the gravitational pull of a planet you want to escape. Where is my hyperdrive?
Now that I look at the legal advice, the suggestion is to file bankruptcy before divorce and then you each get a fresh start. I was too deluded to even think that was an option then. Oh well.
So here I am in the prime of my 2nd life, facing bankruptcy. Not a pretty picture. But I have my head on straight and I just have to get through this. When it is over, I can finally celebrate my divorce.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Spring Break!
I spent my original spring break years in Florida! I travelled to every part of the state to partake of the spring break ritual while in college and high school, ruining my skin, but enjoying my Coppertown glow. Yikes!
Well, this spring break I returned to my last hometown. I moved about 10 months ago to a large city and left behind a smaller city filled with all my friends and relationships. The need to prove ourselves with a job is a venal trait of the American story. But, proving that I could go off on my own and tackle a big job in a new place was important to me. I needed to validate myself. I've moved around plenty, but always with a spouse in tow. Now that I am free to do my own thing, I'm doing it!
So spring break 2009 was all about renewing my friendships, visiting colleagues, doing some project work that I continue in this city, and generally having a grand time. It really was a bleast. I got to hang with my best friend all week and that was perfect. He is a godsend in my life because he creates a totally safe space for me to be in. When that happens, I am free to be introspective, let feelings and thoughts bubble up, find myself, and have awakenings. I made several breakthroughs on this trip, so I'll share :)
First, I retained my commitment to and feeling free of the need to get snockered. I did have a slip, but more on that later.
Second, I had some time to reflect on how binging on comfort foods and sugary treats is rooted in the same place as drinking. I really got to the heart of the matter and figured out why binging is no longer necessary in my life. I felt very good about that accomplishment!
Third, I came to a good place in my relationship with my best friend, who is my younger guy.
So the abuse of alcohol is a deeply seated response that is kind of like my default setting. Even though I now understand the root of it and have found the reason to not go there, certain things will still trigger that default response. On my last night in town I had happy hour with a very good girlfriend and got a head start on things. An hour later, I am at dinner with friends and we ordered a bottle of one of my favorite wines. Before you know it, I am sailing off to that familiar place, but not as bad as it could have been. Normally, I would have been on to the second bottle. So at least I had that much restraint! LOL
But it was my last night in the city. I was with my best friend and another close friend. I did not want to escape this trois, but it made me uneasy, nonetheless. My best friend and I have come to a platonic place. I won't go into the details, but it is what works best for us. We are wildly attracted to one another, but giving into that attraction only delays the inevitable. We want our superlative friendship more than we want to give into the carnal desire. Well, he does at least. And I have to respect that. But you may see why escape via vino on my last night in town was an easy cop out. Oh well. I am fabulous but not superwoman!
I did manage to revel all week in my latest epiphany about food. I had the same physical burden lifting feeling and same "ah-ha" awakening as with the alcohol puzzle. The week went amazingly well, food wise. Without effort, I eschewed any candy runs to the store, didn't pick up the Doritos at the quick mart, had one desert during the week which was fantastic, and maintained my veggie/seafood -tarianism better than ever! No mac and cheese, no pizza, no cheesy comfort food. I know I have gotten to the heart of it and am already absolutely changing my eating habbits. What a relief!
I have to say that this may be the best spring break week I have ever had! No tan, but so much more to work with. I love my life.
Well, this spring break I returned to my last hometown. I moved about 10 months ago to a large city and left behind a smaller city filled with all my friends and relationships. The need to prove ourselves with a job is a venal trait of the American story. But, proving that I could go off on my own and tackle a big job in a new place was important to me. I needed to validate myself. I've moved around plenty, but always with a spouse in tow. Now that I am free to do my own thing, I'm doing it!
So spring break 2009 was all about renewing my friendships, visiting colleagues, doing some project work that I continue in this city, and generally having a grand time. It really was a bleast. I got to hang with my best friend all week and that was perfect. He is a godsend in my life because he creates a totally safe space for me to be in. When that happens, I am free to be introspective, let feelings and thoughts bubble up, find myself, and have awakenings. I made several breakthroughs on this trip, so I'll share :)
First, I retained my commitment to and feeling free of the need to get snockered. I did have a slip, but more on that later.
Second, I had some time to reflect on how binging on comfort foods and sugary treats is rooted in the same place as drinking. I really got to the heart of the matter and figured out why binging is no longer necessary in my life. I felt very good about that accomplishment!
Third, I came to a good place in my relationship with my best friend, who is my younger guy.
So the abuse of alcohol is a deeply seated response that is kind of like my default setting. Even though I now understand the root of it and have found the reason to not go there, certain things will still trigger that default response. On my last night in town I had happy hour with a very good girlfriend and got a head start on things. An hour later, I am at dinner with friends and we ordered a bottle of one of my favorite wines. Before you know it, I am sailing off to that familiar place, but not as bad as it could have been. Normally, I would have been on to the second bottle. So at least I had that much restraint! LOL
But it was my last night in the city. I was with my best friend and another close friend. I did not want to escape this trois, but it made me uneasy, nonetheless. My best friend and I have come to a platonic place. I won't go into the details, but it is what works best for us. We are wildly attracted to one another, but giving into that attraction only delays the inevitable. We want our superlative friendship more than we want to give into the carnal desire. Well, he does at least. And I have to respect that. But you may see why escape via vino on my last night in town was an easy cop out. Oh well. I am fabulous but not superwoman!
I did manage to revel all week in my latest epiphany about food. I had the same physical burden lifting feeling and same "ah-ha" awakening as with the alcohol puzzle. The week went amazingly well, food wise. Without effort, I eschewed any candy runs to the store, didn't pick up the Doritos at the quick mart, had one desert during the week which was fantastic, and maintained my veggie/seafood -tarianism better than ever! No mac and cheese, no pizza, no cheesy comfort food. I know I have gotten to the heart of it and am already absolutely changing my eating habbits. What a relief!
I have to say that this may be the best spring break week I have ever had! No tan, but so much more to work with. I love my life.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Giving up, but gaining more
What a drag it is to get old - so said Mick Jagger long ago. Then as he got much older, he started shedding his old ways, picking up some new healthy habits, and rocked on! I'm taking a page from his book, reluctantly, but then when results appear, warmly.
I read More magazine which tells me how to be 40+ and fabulous! Hmm. I read lots of health items that tell me to eat better, exercise more, and look for anti-oxidants and to fear or find free radicals. I can't keep up with all the advise. Then I was waiting for a friend in a bookstore and saw a book with a title that caught my eye - Skinny Bitch. With a title like that, I had to look. I started to read it, bought it, and have been devoted ever since. I instantly became a vegetarian on the 29th of February, 2008. So it has been a year. Yay! I have not gotten thin being a veggie. But it has greatly eased my mind. I turned my eating habbits when I read about factory farming and production of food. It made sense to me that the fear, shock, and anxiety that animals feel as they are cruelly slaughtered is then embedded in their flesh and consumed by me. You are what you eat.
Recently, I read a post by a friend on facebook about the evils of diet and regular soda. I have been a lifelong devotee of diet soda. But when I read this stuff, I stopped on a dime. Havn't touched the stuff since. Besides the risks of the sweetener, soda will hurt your liver, screws up your metabolism (and you get and stay fat), leads to osteoperosis, and so forth. It just hit me hard that this stuff was killing me! It was easier to give up meat than Diet Coke, but I'm doing it :)
I've had a long run with and love of alcohol. Beer, wine, Jack Daniels, Kettle One martinis. All yummy. I just kept having more and more difficulty keeping it in check. I finally realized that alcohol was not the escape I thought it was - because I was escaping to a dead end. I finally accepted that I have worked hard to love my life and I do! So, what do I have to escape? Nothing. End of abuse of that vice.
All of this leads me to the conclusion that you CAN change habbits that you don't like. But you never will do it until you decide that it is worth it to YOU, not because you think you should because someone has told you to. Something has to click. And it won't click until you are happy with the core of your life. When you have that going for you, you want to make it as good as you can and the bad habbits start to drop away. It has taken me a very long time to get to this spot, but it is worth the journey and the work!
I read More magazine which tells me how to be 40+ and fabulous! Hmm. I read lots of health items that tell me to eat better, exercise more, and look for anti-oxidants and to fear or find free radicals. I can't keep up with all the advise. Then I was waiting for a friend in a bookstore and saw a book with a title that caught my eye - Skinny Bitch. With a title like that, I had to look. I started to read it, bought it, and have been devoted ever since. I instantly became a vegetarian on the 29th of February, 2008. So it has been a year. Yay! I have not gotten thin being a veggie. But it has greatly eased my mind. I turned my eating habbits when I read about factory farming and production of food. It made sense to me that the fear, shock, and anxiety that animals feel as they are cruelly slaughtered is then embedded in their flesh and consumed by me. You are what you eat.
Recently, I read a post by a friend on facebook about the evils of diet and regular soda. I have been a lifelong devotee of diet soda. But when I read this stuff, I stopped on a dime. Havn't touched the stuff since. Besides the risks of the sweetener, soda will hurt your liver, screws up your metabolism (and you get and stay fat), leads to osteoperosis, and so forth. It just hit me hard that this stuff was killing me! It was easier to give up meat than Diet Coke, but I'm doing it :)
I've had a long run with and love of alcohol. Beer, wine, Jack Daniels, Kettle One martinis. All yummy. I just kept having more and more difficulty keeping it in check. I finally realized that alcohol was not the escape I thought it was - because I was escaping to a dead end. I finally accepted that I have worked hard to love my life and I do! So, what do I have to escape? Nothing. End of abuse of that vice.
All of this leads me to the conclusion that you CAN change habbits that you don't like. But you never will do it until you decide that it is worth it to YOU, not because you think you should because someone has told you to. Something has to click. And it won't click until you are happy with the core of your life. When you have that going for you, you want to make it as good as you can and the bad habbits start to drop away. It has taken me a very long time to get to this spot, but it is worth the journey and the work!
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Love in Bloom
Oh man. I just got hit hard, square in the jaw. Why do I do this to myself? I just spent how many weeks watching this relationship develop, only to see it shattered tonight. I am sick - for having wasted my time on this! I'm talking about Jason - the Bachelor. What a creep. Oh- Melissa - I love you. Oh, wait, maybe I don't. Oh, Molly it is you I love. HUH???? What a guy. THIS IS EXACTLY why I love being my age. No man would do that to me. First, because I wouldn't get on a TV show like that, but second, because I am wiser and a little more astute. Aren't I?
I just got an email today from a long time friend. Like me, she broke up with her significant other after a relationship of many years and a settled existence. She once told me, not everyone can do what you did and start again. Some of us aren't that strong. But she did it. And she has just told me she is in love! Oh yeah! And the guy has a kid and they are mad about each other (she and the guy, I don't know about the kid). I am sooooo happy for her - and a little jealous. I want that too. I have been in love for several years, but alas, my guy is not "in love with" me. He loves me and would walk over fire for me. But he claims he is not in love with me. Sigh. But I am in love with him. Such is life.
I convince myself most days that I will never find someone else. This is it and if he doesn't love me in that way, well, that's life. Sometimes I think I convince myself of this to protect myself because I can't imagine having to be disappointed again. Sometimes, I don't know how I feel because age is a big issue. Arggggghhhhh. Where is the roadmap? Where are the instructions? I just want to tell him - take the leap, take the chance. But I guess it's easier to say that from my position of seeing life behind me and he sees it in front of him. I feel guilty sometimes that I want him to take this leap, when he clearly wants the traditional family. I wish I had that family. I never had kids. I wanted to, but a bit late now. I know...foster, adoption, etc. But I don't think I can be a single mom and do it all. I barely can take care of myself.
Ok. I'm rambling now. Damn Bachelor. Got me all shook up.
I just got an email today from a long time friend. Like me, she broke up with her significant other after a relationship of many years and a settled existence. She once told me, not everyone can do what you did and start again. Some of us aren't that strong. But she did it. And she has just told me she is in love! Oh yeah! And the guy has a kid and they are mad about each other (she and the guy, I don't know about the kid). I am sooooo happy for her - and a little jealous. I want that too. I have been in love for several years, but alas, my guy is not "in love with" me. He loves me and would walk over fire for me. But he claims he is not in love with me. Sigh. But I am in love with him. Such is life.
I convince myself most days that I will never find someone else. This is it and if he doesn't love me in that way, well, that's life. Sometimes I think I convince myself of this to protect myself because I can't imagine having to be disappointed again. Sometimes, I don't know how I feel because age is a big issue. Arggggghhhhh. Where is the roadmap? Where are the instructions? I just want to tell him - take the leap, take the chance. But I guess it's easier to say that from my position of seeing life behind me and he sees it in front of him. I feel guilty sometimes that I want him to take this leap, when he clearly wants the traditional family. I wish I had that family. I never had kids. I wanted to, but a bit late now. I know...foster, adoption, etc. But I don't think I can be a single mom and do it all. I barely can take care of myself.
Ok. I'm rambling now. Damn Bachelor. Got me all shook up.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Mirrors
I seriously try to avoid looking in the mirror these days. I'm not just catering to my aversion to my too big body. I have reached that point that my mother reached - who is that old lady in the mirror? Well, maybe it isn't that bad, but I can't stand to see the wrinkles and craggy lines in my face. My products aren't working as well as I hoped. Where is the "airbrush in a bottle?" That's what I need. I've seen these ads for some kind of mineral face powder - better than going bare or something like that. I don't wear makeup - never have. But I feel the need to cover these damn crags in my face! I saw a new Cover Girl liquid makeup product with Oil of Olay anti-wrinkle potion in it. I went to the store and looked at it, but couldn't figure out what shade to get and didn't want to waste the money on something that would look ridiculous on my skin. Lotion and more regenerating serum is what I need.
OK, so mirrors are not a true reflection of what we look like to others. Did you know that? Something about the reverse image, but what we see in the mirror is not what others see. Have you ever seen the 1/2 and 1/2 images? One side of your face actually looks different from the other. So depending on which side of your face you are featuring, your image looks different. Reversing it in the mirror gives you an incorrect image. I saw this invention of like 5 different mirrors that when the reflections are done right, give you the actual image that is how others see you. I'm not sure I am ready for that unless I can get these wrinkles under control.
I've always thought it strange that our eyes are such intricate organs and can do so much, but the one thing they can't do is gaze upon the being that houses them. I think there is wisdom in that. We pay way too much attention to image and how we look to others. Fashion week coverage demonstrates that. It's not that I don't care how I look, obviously I do. But I want to please myself, not some committee of fashionistas. Although some days I disappoint myself - I look a little ragged as I leave my house. But then I just write it off to midlife free pass and go about my business.
Yes, the midlife free pass is my invention that says, because I am in midlife, I get a free pass on days when I don't have the time, energy, or discipline to look fabulous. I have earned this pass because of my sage experiences and my senior-ish position in society. My wisdom and seniority allow me to be taken seriously and I am afforded the respect I deserve, even if my outward appearance may be disheveled or baggy-eyed. That's my rule and I am sticking to it. Mirrors be damned.
OK, so mirrors are not a true reflection of what we look like to others. Did you know that? Something about the reverse image, but what we see in the mirror is not what others see. Have you ever seen the 1/2 and 1/2 images? One side of your face actually looks different from the other. So depending on which side of your face you are featuring, your image looks different. Reversing it in the mirror gives you an incorrect image. I saw this invention of like 5 different mirrors that when the reflections are done right, give you the actual image that is how others see you. I'm not sure I am ready for that unless I can get these wrinkles under control.
I've always thought it strange that our eyes are such intricate organs and can do so much, but the one thing they can't do is gaze upon the being that houses them. I think there is wisdom in that. We pay way too much attention to image and how we look to others. Fashion week coverage demonstrates that. It's not that I don't care how I look, obviously I do. But I want to please myself, not some committee of fashionistas. Although some days I disappoint myself - I look a little ragged as I leave my house. But then I just write it off to midlife free pass and go about my business.
Yes, the midlife free pass is my invention that says, because I am in midlife, I get a free pass on days when I don't have the time, energy, or discipline to look fabulous. I have earned this pass because of my sage experiences and my senior-ish position in society. My wisdom and seniority allow me to be taken seriously and I am afforded the respect I deserve, even if my outward appearance may be disheveled or baggy-eyed. That's my rule and I am sticking to it. Mirrors be damned.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Sunday, February 22, 2009
skin care products
Whoa. I have been cruising the skin care aisles looking for products that will work with my skin. I believe that women our age are definitely being targeted. I'm surprised they don't employ barkers to hawk this stuff. I just wanted to find a facial moisturizer that would do a little something to even my skin tone, blend away wrinkles, and "brighten" my skin. I saw that in an ad. I am not sure what that means, but "bright" sounds young, doesn't it? I went to Target, CVS, the supergrocery, Walgreens, etc. I found the land of Olay - where I can spend big $ on very scientific sounding dermatological tested ingredients that promise to lift skin, remove wrinkles, and make me look like Christie Brinkley - well not really, but she is my hero.
I used to use a Ponds anti-aging towlette. $5 and did a nice job getting rid of the wrinkles. After a few years, my skin began to get more sensitive - not really dry, but sensitive. I can still break out if I put something goopy on my face. My mother told me that breakouts and blemishes would be gone by the time I was 19. She was waaaaay wrong. So I looked for something else and came upon a L'Oreal product called Age Perfect for Mature Skin. I was sure this was for the nursing home crowd or at least the Mah Jong League. But they had a nice cream based cleanser with "micro-beads" to gently exfoliate. It sounds like a spa treatment, so I went for it. Oh, and the price is right - $8. I love it. I guess my skin is mature. Cleanses, exfoliates, wrinkles be gone, and does not dry the skin.
One day I noticed my forearm and wrist. It looked like my skin was bunching up and hanging. WTF? It almost looked paper-y. You know what I mean - old lady skin. AAAAACCCCCKKKK! Back to the store to see if there was a firming body lotion that would regenerate my skin's youthfulness, elasticity, firmness, and make me look like I am not an old lady.
Luckily, I found a wonderful product - made by Vaseline. It comes in a lavender pump bottle and does wonderful things for my skin - including banishing that aging, saggy look. The only quibble I have is that it smells like tea when you put it on. The price you pay for beauty, but it won't break the bank. A large pump dispenser is about $6. I want to look fabulous, but I am only willing to lay out so much cash.
Next, I am going to tackle the puffy bags that are under my eyes. They must be banished!
I used to use a Ponds anti-aging towlette. $5 and did a nice job getting rid of the wrinkles. After a few years, my skin began to get more sensitive - not really dry, but sensitive. I can still break out if I put something goopy on my face. My mother told me that breakouts and blemishes would be gone by the time I was 19. She was waaaaay wrong. So I looked for something else and came upon a L'Oreal product called Age Perfect for Mature Skin. I was sure this was for the nursing home crowd or at least the Mah Jong League. But they had a nice cream based cleanser with "micro-beads" to gently exfoliate. It sounds like a spa treatment, so I went for it. Oh, and the price is right - $8. I love it. I guess my skin is mature. Cleanses, exfoliates, wrinkles be gone, and does not dry the skin.
One day I noticed my forearm and wrist. It looked like my skin was bunching up and hanging. WTF? It almost looked paper-y. You know what I mean - old lady skin. AAAAACCCCCKKKK! Back to the store to see if there was a firming body lotion that would regenerate my skin's youthfulness, elasticity, firmness, and make me look like I am not an old lady.
Luckily, I found a wonderful product - made by Vaseline. It comes in a lavender pump bottle and does wonderful things for my skin - including banishing that aging, saggy look. The only quibble I have is that it smells like tea when you put it on. The price you pay for beauty, but it won't break the bank. A large pump dispenser is about $6. I want to look fabulous, but I am only willing to lay out so much cash.
Next, I am going to tackle the puffy bags that are under my eyes. They must be banished!
Who am I?
I am having a blast. I reached the big 50 and it doesn't matter. I have done more since I was 45 than I did before reaching that age. I have read endless accounts of women who say the same thing. There's a reason they call it 50 and Fabulous.
Now the younger ladies may believe this is all a way to live in denial. I thought that when I was younger, absolutely dreading the march of time. But you know, life is what you make it. I love to have fun and so whatever age I am, that's what I do.
I am sharp, dynamic, reasonably attractive, very aware of the world around me, engaged with people and events, and committed to the things I believe in. I am a teacher, a mentor to an elementary school student, an activist, member of several nonprofit boards, politically active, sexually active, culturally aware, and boast a bevy of committed friends, colleagues, and a network around the country. It's all good.
I wanted to write a blog just for us gals over 50 who have a lot of life and don't act our age. I am not a cougar, because I am not a predator. I am not promiscuous, but I am a flirt. I am, however, writing this blog with a nom de plum - it's the only way to be really truthful without putting other people's privacy in jeopardy.
I keep it real, keep it fun, and hope you enjoy my musings.
Now the younger ladies may believe this is all a way to live in denial. I thought that when I was younger, absolutely dreading the march of time. But you know, life is what you make it. I love to have fun and so whatever age I am, that's what I do.
I am sharp, dynamic, reasonably attractive, very aware of the world around me, engaged with people and events, and committed to the things I believe in. I am a teacher, a mentor to an elementary school student, an activist, member of several nonprofit boards, politically active, sexually active, culturally aware, and boast a bevy of committed friends, colleagues, and a network around the country. It's all good.
I wanted to write a blog just for us gals over 50 who have a lot of life and don't act our age. I am not a cougar, because I am not a predator. I am not promiscuous, but I am a flirt. I am, however, writing this blog with a nom de plum - it's the only way to be really truthful without putting other people's privacy in jeopardy.
I keep it real, keep it fun, and hope you enjoy my musings.
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