Monday, February 23, 2009

"Single Women Over 50...

Are about as f***ed a demographic as there is"- from the movie Something's Gotta Give

The lament of hetero single women of any age is the lack of quality men. Women who want what they want are likely to go after it. Thus the "woman on the prowl" analogy that is the Cougar Culture. In Must Love Dogs, the 50+ judge sends her picture to the divorced man who had just gone through the wringer in her courtroom. He says, "that's some fine looking Cougar, but I'm benched. I'm out of the game right now." Now what judge in her right mind would do this? Or am I completely naive? I always loved Samantha on Sex in the City because she wasn't afraid to go for it. But I don't think she ever got called a Cougar. There are dozens of websites devoted to this phenomenon - and mostly organized around older women seeking younger men.

A similar cultural phenomenon is MILF - Mother I'ld Like to F***. There are movies, mainstream and porno, dedicated to the sexual escapades of women who have teen aged or college aged kids who are coveted by friends of such children. These women are often portrayed as either hypersexed or undersexed. Either way, they want it and they will take it off a young man ready to demonstrate his skilz. Sheesh.

Such stereotyping makes it hard for any older woman to legitimately hang with a younger guy. There is always the undertone of tawdry. And you know...if the genders are reversed it's just daddy warbucks buying a babe and nobody blinks. For crying out loud - Hugh Heffner, the ultimate geezer, has nothing but 20-something blondes in his bed. God bless him, but if I were posing with young studs, it would be labeled as granny sex and would be ridiculed. I think Hef gets away with it because the women on his arm are always of fantasy quality - bodacious, beautiful, and oozing sexuality. How could he possibly be expected to resist? Of course he has license to keep up this lifestyle. But do older guys get away with big age differences only if the younger woman looks like a bimbo? No.

There is something to be said for the finely honed knowledge, experience, and technique of an older woman. Maybe my bod is not finely toned, but it works and can provide satisfaction. I know how to give and receive and enjoy it! I have a young friend and yes, sex is part of our relationship. But it is not the mainstay of our relationship. We have much in common and enjoy similar activities. We are intellectually compatible. Being sex buddies is a nice perk. Some men like larger women, or blondes, or Asian women, or older women. Age should not disqualify women from the dating pool. Not every guy may want to be with an older woman, but it should not be seen as taboo. Do I have to look like Samantha Jones to be "allowed" to be with my younger guy? I shouldn't, but that is how it is portrayed.

I've been single now for a while. I don't expect to be in a serious relationship, but am open if something comes along. My younger guy wants a younger woman for the long haul. I get that. I don't really have an interest in men my age unless they have the same ageless outlook that I have. I would love to find a nice 30 something guy who knows where he's going, is not interested in having a conventional family, and will relish what I bring to the relationship. I'll keep looking.


  1. One could write a whole post just on that Cougar thing. Why has it taken hold of the public's imagination? Who is behind it? How does it, yet again, keep women in a certain "manageable" place?

  2. I couldn't have said it better! I've been in a situation where a gorgeous younger man had the hots for me, but then he suddenly went sheepishly cold. I suspected his 20-something pals ragged him to death about the fact I was old enough to be his mohter, and instead of trusting his own feelings, let himself be shamed into backing off. I couldn't have been more humiliated. Now I have a guy who was born in the same generation who has more stamina (sometimes a bit wearing!) and less self-consciousness than younger men. I didn't think I'd find him after 50, either, but surprises come at all ages!