Dance, Dance, Dance

Hopefully you have seen this video!!!!
It is infectuous and FUN :)

How fabulous is it that these two could have the wedding the way they wanted it! It says so much about who they are, their confidence in themselves and each other, and their dare to be a different spirit!

Weddings are often such staid affairs. Sometimes bordering on somber as everyone slowly walks down the aisle seriously with chamber music playing. Hello???
Bad enough that everyone is in formal wear (which makes no sense since no one actually wears those clothes anymore), but the hyperbole of the ceremony with lighting a candle, filling a tube with colored sand, throwing rose petals, birdseed, and rice...where does this come from? I know, people still jump over brooms too.

I guess the ceremony is just lost on me anymore. I love weddings and the joyous, ebulent aura of them. I just don't like the staginess of it. Rather like a play. I know that's how I felt in my own wedding - like I was on a stage giving a performance (and not a very good one). Should have just hightailed it out of there.

I love the idea of dancing down the aisle!! Love is grand and requires a grand gesture. For this couple, they executed it perfectly and it seemed genuine. I hope it was. I wonder if they boogied out of the church la,la,la,la,la, :)

I can't stop watching this video (I love the song anyway), and hope I find someone with whom I can boogie to the justice of the peace/city hall/ or wherever we end up!

(S-E-X)

I want to rumminate on one of my favorite things in life - SEX. Oh, to revel between the sheets and enjoy the pleasure that my body can produce for me. We are miraculous beings, but sometimes work against ourselves. I have 2 friends that are currently doing without, another who has a line formed at her door, and me - who is currently without partner - for whom sex is a significant topic in our lives. I'm sure sex is important to other friends too. We just don't talk about it.

As Diane Keaton so marvelously put it in the great movie, Something's Gotta Give, "Oh, I do love sex." Well put. I may not look like it, but I am a sex kitten - love it, everyday, twice a day, all ways, woot. Unfortunately I don't have a partner at the moment. A friend said, oh - I can't believe you can't go out and get laid! To which I said, uh - I don't know. I haven't tried. While I am an avid fan of sex - I am also built with the psyche of a straight-laced woman who is not mentally prepared for one night stands. I wasn't up for that in college (and wondered why I didn't have any offers, duh), I wasn't up for that while I was married (to an a-sexual spouse - let's leave that story for the professionals), and I am not up for it now. I'm not a prude, but I just can't take my clothes off, get below or on top of, someone I just met. Call me crazy.

Now I have another friend who recently has been dating a man with whom she gets along well, has fun, likes to be around, but decided he just wasn't going to be a long term prospect. She said she broke up with him, which actually meant, took him out of her potential long term relationship pool. So I asked the obvious question for a fellow traveler in the sexual desert - Did you at least get some sex? Her response was devestating to me. I was ready to live vicariously through her thrill ride. "No," she said, "I could have, but didn't think I should because..." Her voice trailed off for me. How could she pass up an opportunity like this? She knows the guy, likes him, is comfortable with him, and he is not looking for a long term partnership. I get that she is looking for love, but this is a golden opportunity. Well, she didn't see it that way, something about getting stuck if she slept with the guy. Hmmmm.

I have a third friend, a guy, who is taking a break from sexual liaisons at the moment. He has always been a go slow guy, but not so slow that he doesn't have a regular sex partner on call or in his life. He also has a bevy of volunteers, to whom he always says no. He's not looking to be a player, just a regular. Anyway, he is taking a break that is reminiscent of George Costanza - Seinfeld - where he becomes brilliant when he abstains from sex. Of course his condition completely reverses itself the minute he gives in and has sex with some woman. My friend is looking for clarity, focus, and wants to be without the distraction that comes with regular sex - that would be the woman who expects to be part of your life sometimes. So I asked him if this abstinence included the m-word and if he was king of his castle. No, no - daily self-love is not restricted. Well, there you have it, I said. Guys have it easy. Of course you can do without the complications of a woman when you are gratifying yourself daily, creating those endorfins, and feeling at least marginally satisfied. His retort to me was, "well, men are not the only ones who can self-gratify." Oh - wicked comeback. Not. It isn't the same for women, I protested.

In fact, I have great ambivalence in that area. I resort to self-gratification on occassion, but what I want is the entire thrill ride. Sex is more than just bodily response - it is also knowing that you are with another human being who has some interest in being there and with whom you are engaging in the most primitive ritual on the planet. To be in sync with another body, simultaneously breathing and heaving, hearing their voice in your ear, feeling their skin touch yours...Yeah. Where is my ac remote. Hot in here.

So the quest goes on. I do love sex, but as I define it.

Glutton for Punishment

I swore I would not do this again. I thought I had learned my lesson. I guess I didn't. I'm doing it again.

Yep, I'm hooked on The Bachelor-ette :o

I know I said after The Bachelor and the horrible ending and all that, I would not be manipulated by this TV show again. But Jillian is so cute and open and we want her to win! And she picked some great guys, but OMG, this IS the most manipulative TV show in the world. But I can't look away. I watch the episodes on the internet, so Tuesday night is my TV night. I get so swept up in this ridiculousness. Why?

Maybe we all secretly desire the fairy tale - romance, a connection, picking or getting picked to be "the one." Maybe we all secretly wish we could just find the guy allready - and if it has to be done in 13 weeks in a contrived situation globetrotting in front of a camera with 500 men we didn't pick ourselves - well, whatever - just so I get a guy who is hunky, loyal, romantic, dreamy, and a good kisser, right?

So how is it that Jillian can fall for 4 or 5 guys at once and can't choose? Women are not built lilke that. We expect guys to be that way, but gals fall hard for one guy at a time. But is that really the case? I know this show plays to all our stereotypes - Wes the musician bad boy, Reid the straight laced and cautious businessman, Mike the goofy youngest guy, etc. etc. etc. And poor Jillie, having to decide who is being straight with her, who is genuine, who loves her, and oh yeah, who does she love? This show is the modern version of The Dating Game. How far we've come in just 40 years. On that show you picked someone for a single date - not a romp, not an engagement, not a move-in, just a date. And the date was chaparoned. No funny stuff, no impropriety - even though this was the '60s and everyone was about free love and sleeping with everyone. Not on The Dating Game! LOL

So, now we accept the propriety and expect the impossible - that 2 people will fall in love on a dating marathon where potentials are winnowed like so much bad fruit each week. Well, guess he is past his expiration date - next! And if you are not sure, well, squeeze the fruit and maybe even take a taste - except everyone IS looking. Jillian has yet to go on the secret suite date where the potential mate spends the night - but it is bound to happen sometime. After all, she did sleep with Jason last season. Does that mean she is damaged goods? No, not our fair Jillian, Canada's sweetheart <3.

Will I keep watching? You bet'cha! I have to see how it ends. It's the ultimate chick flick and I am a sucker for romance. Hey - did you really think that Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan fell in love in all the movies they've been in together? No, but it sure is fun to pretend. So next Tuesday I will continue with my entertainment and realize though it claims to be reality TV, it is just pretend. I think I'm rooting for Reid...

50 is the new 50?

I just got More magazine delivered (a dear friend got me a subscription - print! how quaint!). On the cover is Holly Hunter, one of my favorite actresses, with the screaming headline "51." What? I had no idea she and I are so close in age. Of course on the cover, she looks fabulous! Doesn't look 50 at all. She looks something much less than 50! Of course, in my mind's eye, so do I. But when I see her on this cover and bring up my mental image of myself, I realize that apparently, I am the new 50. So instead of thinking of myself as something less than the dreaded 50, because I certainly don't look 50 and don't act anything like 50...maybe I need to redefine what 50 is.

Blooming in Midlife (I link to it in my blogroll) is one of my favorite writers and she wrote a very similar post a while back. I just didn't get it then. Now I have my own context, and I get it very clearly. I don't need to be 30, I just need to have the world redefine 50, starting with me!

I went to a bar on Saturday night for a quick pop-in. I was with a 30-something girlfriend who was visiting from out of town. I wasn't dressed, my hair looked like crap, and we just wanted a beer to refresh ourselves. She also was not dressed up, her hair looked like crap, and - you've probably guessed the rest. Bees to the honey as they say - every young guy in a 10 foot radius tried to start up a conversation with her. Not so with me. But, I've been to this bar before and had guys strike up conversations - older guys. So I know I am capable of attracting would be conversationalists! But the bar was filled with younger guys this night. And it became quite apparent to me that my 50 is not the new 30, but is 50. But the difference between my idea of 50 and the conventional idea of 50 is that I did not look out of place in this bar and I was very comfortable being there. I don't think anyone thought I was too old to be there or too old to be hanging out on a Saturday night. But they didn't mistake me for my 30ish friend either.

So ladies - 50 and over (and those who see it coming up fast on your horizon) - be 50 as YOU define it. Don't compromise, don't settle, live life as you wish, and have fun. We are fabulous. We just aren't 30.

"Self Portrait, Rear View" Sharon Olds (Def Poetry)

A treat! Listen to this sister.

Vacation

Went on vacation for 10 days. Feel great! Weekend getaways are nice, but to really decompress, forget about work, and lose yourself, you need more time. I know the vacation was a succes because I forgot my work computer login when I rebooted my laptop today! Ahhhhhhh.

So a successful vacation should have at least one, if not all of these activities
1. shoe shopping - cute new mary-janes in leather, perfect for summer fun
2. pedicure - toes have to look good in the new shoes (that have cut-outs through which to view said toes)
3. catching up with girlfriends - and new stories to tell!
4. hotel indulgence - I love hotel towels, plush bedding, and valet parking.
5. hot sex - sadly, this makes my list but not my reality. foo-ey

So, one of my girlfriends was relaying her most recent Matchbook or Matchface or whatever the online dating service is, and she had an interesting connection. I was so proud of her for standing up to mr. quasi-ethics who tried to play fast and loose with the truth. So here's her story...
She is fervently anti-smoking. She notes on her profile that it is a deal breaker. So she meets up with this guy who she has spent a lot of time on the phone with and he seems great! All is going well on the date, until he says something about smoking. Uh, what? Hmm. Seems he "indulges" in a smoke on rare occasions. Now I've been known to sneak a cig when I've been drinking a wee bit too much, so slip ups do occur. But unfortunately, our Romeo-to-be indulges a bit more frequently. Apparently, for him, he likes to smoke when playing pool. Ok. Guys will be guys. It's almost a bit of a macho cliche - Brando-esque! In some dive pool hall, looking tough, smokin' a cig. Well, the smoke thickens. She goes to his place (innocently, don't get ahead of yourselves). Lo and behold - he has a pool table in his basement and the room smells of (drum roll, please) smoke. Uh, want to explain yourself buddy? What a guy!! So he lied that he was a non-smoker on his profile, then lies that he smokes more than occassionally, and does it in his house. Well, sometimes people panic, right? So let's hear the explanation - oh and this is a good one. He actually said this..."I didn't want to say anything in case it didn't work out between us. But since it is working out, I figured I could quit. I'll do it for you." AAAHHHHHAAAHHHHHAAA (sound of my friend running from the house LOL).

Why do people feel the need to tell fibs, tell lies, and then compound it with another tall tale????
If they guy had been upfront - he might have had a chance. But to suggest he was waiting to see how things went? Tell her what she's won - a date who will quit smoking for you! Thanks, but no thanks. My friend did not need a nicotene fitted lunatic who would blame her for his weight gain as he gives up his occassional smokes and his smelly pool table.

The dating pool is a dangerous place - sharks, poisonous blowfish, camafloughed jellyfish, and other bottom feeders. Aren't there any tropical lagoons like in the magazines?? Just sayin.

What is age appropriate?

I just went out for a girls' night with my old college roommate. We had a blast. We usually see each other once a year, are Facebook friends, and keep up by phone a few times a year. We were quite the party girls in college and she hasn't stopped. I've never known anyone quite like her - she bar hops all the time, throws parties, goes to parties, travels with friends, and carries on like a 20-something. I'm exhausted just thinking about it. I chalk it up to my friend just being who she is and don't rate myself in comparison. But I have to wonder if that lifestyle isn't why she has had many more relationships and dates than I have even thought of! She has a child who is in college, but her kid's age never slowed my friend down. This is not an empty nester going wild (ooh - cool video series idea!), but someone who has been fun-loving and energetic her entire life.

Though I don't live my life in the fast lane like her, we are very much alike. We both believe in doing what we want to do, and living life to the fullest - in whatever manner we want. She parties and socializes. I work on causes and politics. Her style enables her to engage with people constantly, and she is now in marketing - seems reasonable. My style enables me to be somewhat isolated but engaged in meaningful activites. This suits my career choice. However, it does not do much for my social life.

So as I rode the train home this morning (no propositions on this trip, thank gawd), I thought about how my life needs to change again. I am in a career that is considered solitary in style. It takes up all my time (and most days I don't work enough). So if I stay with this career, as I have been doing for the last 20 years, I can't expect to be engaged with a big social whirl. I am very good at what I do, but increasingly dissatisfied with it as a personal choice. It has it's frustrations, as most careers do, but these are really bothering me these days. I have so much ambition and drive, interest in the subject matter that I take on daily, but am constrained by the conservative environment of a large organizational structure in which I work.

I'm thinking of breaking out - but feel completely hemmed in by my benefits - retirement contribution, health benefits, steady income. In this economy I can't give that up because I chaffe at my frustrations, can I? Yes, I could, but what really hit me was that I would be putting myself in a vulnerable position without retirement and health insurance. At my age - doesn't that sound awful! - but it is true. At my age I need a safety net. I don't have any inheritance coming and no husband to catch me. I am frightened that I am so frightened! I want to be that carefree college girl who was ready to take on anything and had plenty of time. Now I don't feel like time is on my side. There is an air of practicality that fills my space and I don't like it. What's next? Will I take up with whoever I can find so I have a safety net? Will I become compliant and milquetoast to ensure I keep my job and not rock the boat? These behaviors would require a personality transplant on my part! I'll keep thinking on it. Tough choices - but that's what I like - a challenge!!